I've Got A Fever Of One Hundred And Two

Alright. That is IT. I've pretty much had it up to here with everything. I am fucking SICK of it. The world is so FRUSTRATING and I just want to hit people on the head. Are they mentally challenged? Just phenominally STUPID? Or are they playing dumb....because they're doing a DAMN good job of it.

It hit me today that the human race has stopped evolving. We are now regressing into nothingness. We are going to destroy ourselves. The stupidity of most people absolutely astounds me. There is no common sense involved in most people's thought processes, they just act and then react. Blame other people for their actions. The government protects the stupid people and the criminals while the rest of us get screwed.

I hear stories about people spilling hot coffee on themselves and obviously burning themselves. And they sue the fucking company for millions of dollars and win because the cup didn't say it was hot. IT'S FUCKING COFFEE! If it was COLD then I'm sure you'd complain about that! But "OHHHHH It's too freaking HOT, I'm a complete idiot and dumped coffee all over my hands, so I'd better blame anyone except for me and my clumsiness"

Sorry, I guess I'm just a little bitter today.

Another one that gets me is the woman who is going around trying to get Harry Potter books banned from libraries, schools, stores, etc because they apparently promote witchcraft, sorcery and wicca. HELLO?! Have you ever bothered to even READ a book? EVER? Let alone a masterpiece like Harry Potter. Are you too stupid to try and experience something before trying to get everybody conforming to YOUR opinions? I don't believe in the catholic church, do you see me going up to priests and ministers and trying to get them to denounce the church and run amok with me? I think not. It's like saying that you hate tomatoes when you've never tried them. I have met tonnes of people who have read and thoroughly enjoyed the Harry Potter series and not ONE of them has attempted to convert to Wicca. Has this woman ever stopped to consider the hundreds...possibly thousands of children who now read and ENJOY it because of these books? Probably not. If I ever see her in person I am going to kick her in the damn shin, because she deserves it.

People can be so blind. They want to see something, so they see it, and don't even consider ANY other possibilities. I'm not saying that I'm not like this. Hell yes I'm prejudice towards some things, but that doesn't mean I won't listen to what you have to say. I am just sick and tired of people doing whatever the fuck they want with absolutely no consequences, and then the rest of society has to pick up the pieces.

I think the real problem is that there is almost no more natural selection. If a kid was dumb enough to swallow seven pieces of Lego in 1950 (or whatever the hell toys they had back then) thennnnnn they might die, or they might live. But they learned a lesson....eating Lego provides for a lot of discomfort or death. Nowadays if this happened, the dumb kid would get surgery, his parents would reassure him that it's not his fault and they'd sue the Lego company for not putting "Do not let child eat" right on the front of the box in big bold letters. When REALLY it's the parents fault for not watching or apparently feeding their children, and the child's fault for being so fucking stupid.

We need to bring back natural selection.

An Account Of Our Weekend Experiencing The Frigid North

So this past weekend seven of us dragged our lazy asses up to Tony's cottage in Huntsville. It was quite the adventure I must say. At one point I didn't think we were going to make it...but we somehow pulled through.

Nah, I'm just kidding. We had an awesome weekend filled with many fun adventures. I was asked to write a blog about these adventures, so I may as well because I really don't feel like doing work.

Getting up there on Friday was pretty awesome because it included a stop at Wendy's. My idiot roommate who accompanied us up (just kidding Melissa! I heart you!), got a frosty of all things. Apparently she didn't know that there were toppings now. *Side Note: If you did not know that you can now get toppings for Frosty's (M&M's, OREO, etc) then go to a Wendy's immediately and purchase one.*

The REAL adventure began when we finally got to the cottage after three and a half hours of stimulating conversation in the van. And discovered that the pipes were frozen. Oh yes, frozen. Now as we were also frozen (it was -25 outside AND inside the cottage) so this wasn't a big concern to us yet. As we believed that as we defrosted, so would the pipes. However, this was not the case. If the sinks in the kitchen drained, then the bathtub filled up, and if we flushed the toilet upstairs, the toilet downstairs would overflow. It was a mess. We quickly realized that even though we had running water, not one of us would be lucky enough to even think about using a toilet over the course of the weekend. Now, I'm not going to lie, I may have panicked a bit at the thought of peeing in the snow all weekend. I mean, HELLO! Snow is cold, and exposing that particular part of my body to the frigid elements was NOT my idea of a good time. Apparently this is where people thought I would bail and make everybody go home. But really guys, I'm not that big of a princess.

So anyways, we had running water...it just didn't have anywhere to run to. So we spent the entire weekend peeing outside in the snowpiles around the barn. It was kind of amusing how we all held it until the very last minute and then went on little pee adventures together. Our first trip was the best, seeing as we're all a little shy and nervous about peeing in a group on a snowbank in the middle of the frigid north. But we got through it with some humour, as shown in the picture below. Three cooches to the wind.

And eventually by the end of the trip we didn't even really notice that we were peeing outside, until it became daylight. The one panic attack we all had was: "How the hell are we going to.....well, you know......go number 2???" Because this is where I draw the line. There was no way in hell I was taking a "Crap Trip" out to our trust yellow snow pile. So we took a Crap Adventure to the Tim Horton's in Huntsville. Those poor poor people who frequented the bathroom after us must have had quite the experience.

The first night of the trip was spent in extreme drunkenness, watching multiple movies, stealing each others electric blankets and playing some sort of trivia game. Even Trish polished off half a bottle of the Wild Vines she brought up! That's my girl!

Poor Ryan was drunk off of seven beers. I have no idea how that happened, but that guys A TANK! Not really though. I hope you sensed extreme sarcasm in that previous comment. So the first half of the next he spent incapacitated. But he pulled it together for our playing in the snow. Oh, and did we EVER play in the snow!

At first we began our quest to build a snowfort. But this dream was quickly squashed when we realized it wasn't packing snow, and we'd probably have to shovel snow on a pile for about ten more hours before we got the right amount. So we attempted to toboggan down the back hill (a very small hill, but it was pretty sweet) on a cardboard box...which then escalated to a plastic bag...which then escalated to jumping over a picnic table. Well I seem to have missed a few steps of our tobogganing evolution in there, but you get the idea. Ryan joined in and began the trend of tobogganing while standing up. Might I take the time right now to say that the toboggan was one of those old wood ones, and I was pretty sure it was going to give up and die at any moment. But alas, it pulled through with the help of a hammer.

So anyways, the three boys had the "genius" idea to build a ramp using a picnic table. Now might I remind you that this snow isn't packing snow, so when they had a pile of snow before they went right through it. So the idea of building a ramp of snow up a picnic table and down the other side didn't seem to brilliant to me. I believe the words I used were, "phenominally stupid". But somehow they managed to make it work. And apparently it was quite the ride.

As you can see the jump managed to pull through, apparently because of Ryan's angulation skills on the ramp. The highlight was when the three of them went down together, and I was pretty sure that Robby was going to be decapitated by the picnic table. They managed to make it halfway over the picnic table before falling off sideways. If there was a way to put the video up, I would somehow do it.

The night was a blur of macaroni and cheese (my hand hurt from grating *tear*), naps, Taboo, more playing in the snow, spaghetti and finally falling asleep at the late time of 12:30. Hey! playing in the snow takes a lot out of you!

All in all, it was a pretty awesome weekend and we should all do it again....tomorrow. Even if the pipes are still frozen!!!!

Love you all!!!!

McDreamy, McSteamy, McVet....and McBaldy

a) I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo super excited for the cottage this weekend!!! It's going to be awesome! I am excited to relax and have fun and drink and spend time with friends!

b) Grey's Anatomy is the bestest show EVER. Tonight's episode was absolutely amazing. I don't care if the show is 'predictable' or has a 'soap opera - like' plot, it is awesome and if you don't realize that then you're a tool. Proposals flying left and right, the race for Chief, Kirev dissing Addison, Bailey opening the clinic, Amish people being shunned....oh it's amazing. On a side note: I didn't know people were actually shunned in today's society. Cool.

Best episode EVER was on tonight. If you missed it, you should be shunned.

c) I finally own my own digital camera. It's a miracle. And also a scary scary thing. See I LOVE to take pictures. I steal my friends cameras and take HUNDREDS of pictures. The fact that I now can take pictures all the time is definitely kind of scary. I am very excited to use my camera at the cottage. People are going to want to kill me.

Please take the camera away.

d) On Tuesday night I accidentally got drunk off of TWO pints. TWO! That's it! I remember the days when I used to drink a mickey in a night and be fine. A little buzzed, but all-around alright. I've only puked three times EVER from alcohol. And now all of a sudden I am getting drunk off of two pints! When the hell did I become such a lightweight?! Maybe it's because I no longer drink my face off every weekend. On a side note: that last picture is from Tuesday night after the pint incident in the bathroom of the mall that Melissa and I snuck into. We're rebels. What can I say.

e) I'm starting to feel old. And a little freaked out about growing up. I'm turning 23 in five months and twenty-nine days. (Yes I may have counted.) I am planning on going to Cancun with Melissa in April, and hoping to travel to Europe for an extended period of time with Shanan or by myself....and yet I do not like to think of myself as grown up. Even though that's what I am, a grown-up. I hate that word. It makes me think of old ladies who yell at children in restaurants while wearing lipstick outside their lip lines. I hope I never wear lipstick like that.

f) Just because Andrea put on facebook that she hates blogs I have to write that she's a huge huge huge bitch.

HUGE.

But it's awesome.

g) I want to get a personal trainer. But I am afraid of three things; 1) I will be broke afterwards, 2) They will laugh at me while I am attempting to work out, 3) I will get McBaldy. That's right, McBaldy. Melissa and I nicknamed a personal trainer at our gym McBaldy because he macks up all the young hot girls at the gym. He calls me Buttercup. Might I add that this guy is at LEAST 32, has a shaved/bald head (hence the 'Baldy' part of 'McBaldy') and talks about drinking like he's 17 again.

h) Everyone needs to go to East Side Mario's immediately and order the Chocolate Peanut Butter Stack dessert. At least I think that's what it's called. It's amazingly delicious.

Proactiv Is The One For You!

Dear Aaron and Nick Carter,

You should not be making a reality show. Your careers are O-V-E-R. Accept it. Aaron, I don't think you ever really had a career to begin with. I am 99% sure that both of you are mentally challenged and the most idiotic people on television.

Oh, and you're both hideously ugly. Get some acne products. Immediately.

Love,
Me

Dear Roommate,

You really really annoy me. I wish you would just be quiet for like, five minutes. No, I do not know what is going on in the show because I started watching it at the same time as you. I am not a secret TV psychic and do not know all the innerworkings of EVERY TV show on right now. Maybe if you shut up and listened then you'd know what is going on. Also, your boyfriend is way too old for you. It's fucking creepy.

Oh, and your room smells kinda funny. Maybe you should take care of that.

Love,
Me


Dear Evil Spawn,

Please stop putting my best friend in an awkward position of making her choose between us. You broke up with me. Clearly she will pick me. Sorry, but she's not really your friend, just a work acquaintance. But you can continue sucking up to her because it really amuses us.

Love,
Me


Dear PostSecret,

You are amazing in every way. And I love you.

Love,
Me


Dear Julie,

I sincerely hope that you can pull through and get better. My thoughts are with you.

Jaime


p.s. Sorry for stealing your little "Dear *insert name here*" thing Emily. But I love it!

And I Get Two Thumbs Up!

When I sat down to write a blog, I was planning on bitching about the fact that my research advisor is 'advising' me to start my entire project over again. But shit happens. I'll deal. Who cares if the last three months of research are being erased? This is an opportunity some would kill for.

As I sit here in my green striped bathrobe and my wet hair wrapped up in a towel I feel determined. I am determined not to let my parents down, or Trish and Melissa, or my other friends who expect friendship and trust from me, or Tony, or myself. Especially not myself. I may have high expectations of myself, but I think it's because I know that deep down, I can do it. I'm just too lazy to put in the work. I don't have enough internal motivation or self-control to reach those goals. It's because I am afraid of failing. And I couldn't bear to let myself down.

Surprisingly I have kept most of my resolutions so far. I'm going into the lab more (not that it's helping my project, but STILL, it's gotta count for something!), going to the gym about four times a week, limiting my carb and fat intakes (until my Daddy's stew....oh stew, how I love you), sleeping more...poor Tony got stuck with me for two nights because I was too lazy to leave his bed. Except to eat. So, so far this year I am proud of myself.

I hope that doesn't change.

There's Always Room For...J-E-L-L-O.

1) I am hungover. And it sucks like hell. I would gladly choose decapitation if it meant not having this pounding in my head. It's not the steady kind where you can kind of rely on it and get used to it. It's the random kind where if you move your head in a certain way it feels like you're brain is going to explode. Also, I probably should not have eaten that jell-o.

2) Melissa's grandma called today. It makes me realize how old my own grandma is when I realize she doesn't even know how to work a phone anymore except to call my mom. She's turning 94 in May. I've always wondered why she and my grandpa waited so long to have children. Both of my grandparents were much older than normal when they started having children, which is why they were so old compared to other grandparents. I only have my grandma left now, which makes me sad. She can't even remember my name sometimes. I hope I never get like that.

3) I took a longevity test. It said I would live to be 95. I hope that's not true. The good do die young after all.

4) It's snowing!!!! We might get to build a snow fort in our backyard afterall! It has been our dream since we moved in here!

5) It made me really happy to spend some time with Maria last night and this week. It really makes me sad that our friendship has deteriorated so far and we hardly ever see each other anymore. I hope we can figure out a way to make it work.

6) I am sooooooooo watching the 5 hour version of Pride and Prejudice.

7) Just once I wish you'd put me before your friends. It hurts to know that I come in second.

8) I have a calendar that has a different kitten on each day. It's supposed to curb my want for a kitten of my own. But really it just makes me want a kitty more. They're so cute and fluffy. I want them all. I'm not allowed to go to the Humane Society anymore because I will try to convince my mom to get every single kitty and cry when she won't let me. I hate to see them locked up. It breaks my heart.

9) I am absolutely petrified of graduating. I don't give a shit if it's the "next big adventure" or whatever. I don't want to. I don't want to have to look for health insurance (my dad's won't cover me if I'm not a student), pay for my own gas or car insurance, find my own apartment and definitely don't want to have to find a job or do my masters. If you tell me to get over it and just do it, I may punch you in the face. Just let me wallow for a week or so, and I'll get over it myself.

10) It pisses me off when people take stuff for granted. And by stuff I mean anything...life, education, people, relationships, friends, parents, food, water, health, opportunities. And it pisses me off even more when they bitch about it....SHUT THE HELL UP! You have no idea how lucky you are and how many people would kill to have friends, parents or a life like yours. And you just throw it all away. I know I have been guilty of taking my education for granted. I went to a pretty well established private school and got into university without any trouble. I want that same opportunity for my kids.

11) The way people drive these days makes me want to scream. Slow the fuck down and say thank you when someone lets you in. It's called common courtesy and clearly your trailer trash mother didn't teach you that. Get some manners.

12) The "Magic Eraser" by Mr. Clean freaks me out. Where the hell did that thing come from? I could scrub my bathtub ALL day with anything else and it wouldn't get the grim off, but that makes it comes off in like....two seconds. It's totally awesome and works like a charm. But nothing comes out of it, like no dirt or cleaning fluid or anything. Where does the dirt go? How does it get the grim off and not Vim? Why aren't they making all cleaning products out of this material?

At the gym tonight some boys made fun of the amount of weight I was lifting. I was lifting 25 pounds on the biceps machine. Yah, that may not sound or feel like a lot to YOU, but to me it is quite adequate thank you very much. Way to prove that your SO much tougher than a girl that is half your height macho man. Such a tough guy. So I purposely made fun of him to Melissa where he could over hear me. Not very mature I know, but it made me feel better. Who makes fun of how much a person works out with anyways? I don't go to the gym to listen about how you can lift more than a girl dumb ass. At least I got my ass to the gym, you scrawny, ugly, zit-faced punk. I could probably kick your ass.

And if I couldn't...well let me introduce you to my boyfriend.

Jack ass.

Genetic Engineering = Awesomeness

1) I got bored in my first class on the first day of school. This CAN'T be a good sign.

2) I miss my kitty. Maybe I will catnap her and bring her up here. She could teach that damn Austin a lesson. He does have QUITE the attitude problem.

Austin the Devil Cat (i.e. Evil Spawn)

Fluffy, my precious baby kitty.

3) I am addicted to tic tac's. Somebody take them away from me. I may have minty fresh breath, but with each handful...I die a little inside.

4) I've had a headache for two days now. It blows.

I blame the tic tac's.

5) In the absence of my cat and my boyfriend I have begun sleeping with four stuffed animals. I am slowly regressing. But I love my turtle! And my penguins...and my teddy bear! I fear I will hurt their feelings if I leave one of them out!

6) Starting a semi-low carb diet tomorrow. Wish me luck.

7) I just saw Brad Pitt on Friends. He is too beautiful to be naturally created. I suspect genetic engineering came into play.

8) I went to the gym for the first time in a LOOOONG time. It felt amazing. Remind me to do it again sometime.

9) As a reward for losing weight I am going to buy myself a bikini. Let's hope I ACTUALLY lose weight. Otherwise I feel sorry for the bikini.

10) Seriously, take away the tic tac's.

You: On A Diet

So far not doing so well on the resolution to not obsess about my weight. It's been SEVEN DAYS! And already I have broken a promise to myself. I want to start the South Beach Diet again. Last time I tried I failed because eating protein non-stop made me feel nauseous and hungry ALL the time. So this time I think I might eat carbs for lunch, but not "bad" carbs, "good" carbs. Whatever those are. Try to find some way that this diet will work for me. Because even when I cheated I still lost about 9 pounds, which is approximately my goal weight. I figure getting my ass to the gym will help too. I just want to look hot in a bikini for the trip I'm taking to Cancun with Melissa. All I want is to look in a mirror once and think, "damn, not bad".

Just once.

Possibly the most random post EVER.

For some reason I have been sprouting tumour-like zits/pimples all over my face for the past two weeks. I am wondering why my skin is punishing me. Is it the excess/inhuman amounts of chocolate, candy and sugar I have been consuming? The ridiculously small amount of water I have been drinking? Usually I only breakout when I'm stressed. Is it possible to be stressed when you spend two days straight sitting watching Gilmore Girls? Because I'm pretty sure that's not possible. There is one on the side of my head right now that's really bugging me because it's one of those ones that hurts like hell whenever you scratch within a foot of it. Who doesn't scratch their face? I don't know. I know you're probably grossed out by this, but I really want to know what kind of grudge my skin is holding against me. It's not fair. I treat it right, moisturize it, pamper it, exfoiliate. I'm a good host damn it. This is how it repays me. Fine. Be that way, I get it. Next time there is NO coconut moisturizing mask for you. HA.

My cat has been sitting and starring at me for the past half an hour. He will jump on my lap, lick my arm, purr a little and then jump down and stare. Maybe chew on some plastic bags. Which drives me nuts. I give him a "Beef Feast" (which looks incredibly disgusting, and smells even worse) and he chooses to chew on freaking plastic. Ungrateful little jerk. Next time he will NOT be getting Fancy Feast. It's a good thing he's so damn cute and fuzzy and soft, otherwise I'd let him keep chewing on the plastic bags.

Behold the ungrateful beast himself.

The conclusion of this post: I've been watching too much Gilmore Girls. Somebody needs to rescue me.

And possibly get me a skin transplant.

Holy Shit, It's 2007!

On the way home today from Aurora, I realized something...it's 2007. Holy fuck! It only took me TWO days to realize this. It always takes awhile for stuff like this to sink in. Like on December 28th I realized that Christmas was actually over. I am slow like that.

New Years was a vortex of classiness. That's right, a fucking vortex. The amount of Bambino consumed was incredible and the drunken-ness that ensued from this consumption of sparkling wine was quite impressive. I wish I could explain what was going on in the picture above, but honestly I have no clue. Apparently I am pissed and wish to strangle poor Headly, while Ryan Bonnar looks on with quite a lot of amusement. However, this pic pretty much reflects the crazy drunken-ness that went on that night.

I am not going to lie, I did not expect to have fun on New Years. I hate going to Toronto, I hate getting dressed up and I was pretty sure that everyone I was going with hated me, with the obvious exception of my boyfriend and Bonnar. Surprisingly I had an awesome time, and I don't think that anybody hates me anymore. With the exception of the guy that I punched in the face. The level of classiness that we exuded was ridiculous and I'm pretty sure that everybody was jealous of our limo.

New Years Resolutions 2007:

1) Make more time to visit my parents

2) Try to have more patience, with everyone

3) Do not obsess with my weight

4) Stop caring about what other people think of me

5) Read more

6) Be as healthy as possible without depriving myself

7) Sleep more

8) TRY not to procrastinate, but if I do (which I will) then I will not berate myself for it

9) Go into the lab more

10) Spend more time going out with Melissa b/c it's our last semester living together *tear*




11) Never drink that much sparkling wine again while wearing Spanx

12) Try not to rush into 'adulthood'. I have tonnes of time to be an adult, but not that much time to just have fun

13) Spend more time with Tony. Seeing each other once a week isn't enough

14) Attempt to be more social and not a hermit. This one will be the most difficult

15) Save money. I am going to need it when I am forced to live in the world by myself

16) Don't lose touch with old friends

17) Don't be jealous, just be happy

18) Attempt to care about school. This isn't just an education anymore...it's my life

19) Try to stop talking behind people's backs. Even though it is a good way to get out any anger or frustration it just promotes any negative feelings towards them. You should just try and talk to them about it and work it out

20) Figure out what makes me happy. And never stop doing it.

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!!!