"What do you want to do tonight?" "Let's go dancing!" "Good idea buddy!"

1) I find it kind of hard to write blogs when I'm feeling good and happy. Weird eh? I think I see blogs as a way of venting and releasing bad feelings, so when I'm feeling good I don't like to write blogs because I want to keep all the happiness inside and not let it out. Is that selfish?! hahaha! I don't care if it is!





2) Happy Father's Day Daddy!!!!!!! You're the bestest!





3) hahahaha, oh man, on Friday I got hit on by this guy, and he was actually quite nice and relatively cute, but he was wearing plaid board shorts and a striped polo. And I couldn't quite handle it. If single guys are wondering why they are still single, it's usually because of the way they dress or dance.





4) On Saturday at Squeeze we danced the night away. It was awesome. Although, what was perplexing was the group of five or six guys who were just like standing in a circle in the middle of the dance floor talking and then they'd randomly dance, and then just start talking again. Is this normal guy behaviour? I don't get it. Shouldn't you be wanting to dance with girls and not your guy friends? Do groups of guys sitting around on Saturday say, "We should go dancing!" like girls do?





Boys confuse me.





5) They're already talking about promoting me at work. I find this hilarious and exciting at the same time. I really need the money, but I find it hilarious that they want me to start on sales for personal training and the nutrition program, and then take the personal training course, and possibly be the assistant Zone Health centre manager. ummmmmm, I do nothing at work. Seriously. I am pro at looking like I am working, when I am actually doing nothing. It's kind of awesome. I do enjoy the comfy track suits though.





6) I got offered a job at GoodLife Fitness in membership sales too. Jeff was like, "I would have hired you! Why didn't you come talk to me?!". So if I decide that I don't like my job now, or that I would prefer working at GoodLife there is apparently a job waiting for me at the Fairway one, which is pretty freaking sweet.





7) I have realized I like food way too much for my own good. Like, I really really REALLY like it. I think I may need help.





8) I got a marriage proposal this week, I am considering accepting. hahahahaha, but not really. I'm not too sure I could ever live with a boy. ick. Oh, and plus the proposal was a joke from Chris.

9) Oakville is packed full of popped collared, white button-up shirts wearing, spike-y haired douchebags. Seriously.....it's chock full of them. If that is your type, get here now. You have your pick. If I see one more white button-up shirt I will flip out. All the guys here are just clones of one another. It is SO boring and I am so OVER IT.

just a deep breath and you'll be fine.

I had a slight mini-panic attack this morning as I was lying in bed. Usually on Saturdays I will lie in bed until 9 or 10 with the window open just chilling with my bad self, but today I couldn't do it. I felt restless and agitated and I couldn't sit still. I couldn't shut my mind off and think of the stupid, mundane, pointless things that usually occupy my thoughts, it was all big stuff.....really big scary stuff. So I had to move to make that stuff go away, because I can't think about it yet, it's all too scary.

If I think about it it will all hit me at once and I won't be able to deal with it. I am still coping with the whole moving out thing. It is going well, but it is still scarier than I thought. I can't bring myself to go home yet, for fear that I won't leave again because it's comfortable and un-scary there. This room that used to feel like home to me is now not feeling like that, and I need to find a place that will do that for me, so it won't be as scary. It doesn't help that my mom wants me to come home and most of my friends aren't that supportive...only Trish really. I'm glad she told me she was proud of me because otherwise I don't think I could do it.

I was told lately that I was selfish and self-absorbed and only thought about myself, but I kind of feel like I have to be. I mean, I don't really think of myself that way, sure I like to do my own thing and I like to be alone, and I know that I am self-absorbed sometimes, but I've never really thought of myself as selfish. That is a horrible thing to say to someone, especially if it's not true. And what kills me the most is the person that told me that is the one I've done the most for in the past few years and I feel like I've been there for her and this is what she thinks of me? It would help if she was there for me when I needed her to, instead of telling me I'm self-absorbed. She doesn't realize that not everyone is as strong as her and wasn't born with her natural self-confidence.

I won't apologize for being that way. It was being that way that made me realize that maybe I was heading down the wrong path, that research and molecular biology wasn't right for me. I still love it, because I'm a huge nerd, and I love learning, but I need something more. I really like my new job, I like working with people and helping people realize their goals, it's made me happier and healthier. I will also absolutely NOT apologize for getting a personal trainer and going to the gym more, which is apparently what made me self-absorbed. I hated my body, and felt uncomfortable ALL the time, that is not how someone should live their life. Now I actually kind of like myself, and I'm starting to feel proud of the way that I look and not hiding from it as much. I'm not there yet, but I will be. And if going to the gym is making me feel this way, then like hell I'm going to stop. My trainer, Chris, has been more supportive of me in these past few months in ways that no one else has ever been. He's kind of past being a trainer, more of a friend now, which is fine with me, because I think he's a great person.

I really just wish that people could see it from other people's points of view more often. Something that may not be scary for you could be absolutely terrifying for someone else, maybe even the thing they fear the most. If you don't try and see it their way you will never understand them.

It's gotten to the point where I feel isolated and that I can't be around some people because I know how they think of me...and why would I want to be around people who think of me that way? I have other friends who think I'm great and are proud of me and support me, and I don't need to put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable and judged.

I had to take a walk to clear my head, and it worked. I love walks. I'm such a loser I know, but I love being by myself walking down the trail by the river. I will take pictures and show you, because it is beautiful in a way that the trails in Oakville could never be. Guelph is such a different place, and it has its own pace, it takes a little bit to get used to. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it, because I tend to do things at my own speed anyways and not really wait for anyone, it's a fault I know.

And when my head cleared I realized that I don't need anyone else to be proud of me (except for my parents and Trish) because I'm proud of myself.

oh, HELL no.

2 Jager bombs + 4 Swedish Berries shots + at least 7 beers = the most BRUTAL night of my life.

My apologies to Trish who had to take care of me while I was throwing up and then listen to me crying for an hour. Seriously, I don't know what the fuck is up with me throwing up when drinking lately. I think I need to learn to accept that I no longer have my alcoholic-like tolerance that I used to have in high school.......because I WAS an alcoholic back then. hahaha.

Oh man, today was balls. It was just awful. I was lying rotting on the couch for like three hours and then forced myself to take a walk outside to get some fresh air, which actually really really helped. But seriously, I am NEVER drinking that much again. I'm not even drinking again until my birthday, and even then I'm only having like.....three beers. And with my pathetic tolerance that will probably get me drunk. So sad. So very very sad.

In other news I saw Knocked Up on Friday....and it is friggin' AWESOME. Everyone should go and see it immediately....if not sooner! Seriously, it was soooo hilarious. I was actually crying at one point and my abs were burning. It was a brilliant movie. I haven't seen a movie that good in a VERY long time. Incredible.

Although I have decided I am NEVER having children. They showed the "crowning" moment of childbirth and it just looked awful. That is NOT natural. I don't care what anyone says...having snot-nosed brats scream at you for the next 30 years is not worth that. Not cool, not cool at all.

Sunscreen

I'm sure you'll all recognize this "speech" because it was made into a song a few years back and has been e-mailed around like crazy. But I love it, and my friend Jenny gave me a book of it back when I turned 19 and I found it the other day and read it. And I still love it. So you should all read it....and listen to it/think about what it says.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

WEAR SUNSCREEN.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

whereas the restof my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy

the

P O W E R

and

B E A U T Y

of

your youth.

Oh, never mind.

You will not

understand the

power and beauty

of your youth

until they've

faded.

But trust me,

in twenty years,
you'll look back
at photos
of yourself and
recall in a way
you can't grasp
now how much
possibility
lay before you

and how fabulous

you really looked.

You are

NOT

as

f a t

as

you

imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective

as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life

are apt to be things that never crossed your worried

mind, the kind that blindside you at four P.M.

on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people

who are

reckless

with yours.

FLOSS.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead......sometimes you're behind.

The race is l-o-n-g and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive.

Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters.

Throw away your old bank statements.

s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

Don't feel guilty if you

don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people

I know didn't know at twenty-two what they wanted

to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting

forty-year-olds I know

still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll

dance the funky chicken

on your seventy-fifth wedding anniversary.

ENJOY YOUR BODY. Use it every way you can.

Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

D-A-N-C-E.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions...even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents.

You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Understand that friends come and go,

but with a precious few you should hold on.

TRAVEL.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

But trust me, on the sunscreen.