I got this in an e-mail and I just thought that it was completely, totally and heartbreakingly true. I've learned that the people you depend on in life are going to let you down, just like you're going to let them down. What makes a friendship or relationship special is that you forgive each other and move on. Nobody's perfect and it's their imperfections that make us appreciate and love them.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Water Pressure Can Do a Lot For a Person

1) I am completely and totally socially inept. I don't understand social interaction at all. I don't mind going to parties as long as I know someone, but try to introduce me to new people...most of the time I'll give them a blank stare.

2) I've had a headache on and off for the past three weeks. I can't decide whether it's from school, sleep deprivation or just general life stress.

3) I have a presentation on October 11th. I'm petrified. I hate giving presentations because I'm sure that someone will stand up and yell, "You have NO idea what you're talking about." Which is true. I have no idea what's going on.

4) I didn't realize how much I missed home until I went back to Oakville on Friday. I missed my couch, my bed, my mommy and daddy, my cats, the way my laundry smells, my sheets, my glorious pillow, the hardwood floors and the water pressure in the shower.

5) I am caught in the middle of a group of friends right now. It breaks my heart. They are all so stubborn and proud...unwilling to compromise and see things from the other person's perspective. I feel like I am being forced to choose, and I refuse to do that.

6) I am exhausted lately but have problems sleeping. Although I was out like a light last night...maybe stealing blankets and bed space from someone helps me sleep better at night?

7) We have a dishwasher. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I don't particularly mind doing dishes, but I find that they are a waste of my life.

8) I've realized that I am a jealous person. It's not a good trait. I am working on it...it's slow going but I think I've made improvement.

9) Someone told me that I smile and giggle a lot more lately. It's because I am happy now.

10) I can only make decisions when they don't affect somebody else. I'm scared I might make somebody unhappy. I don't like making people unhappy.

11) I respond well to boundaries and short-term goals. Just tell me what you like and don't like and I'm cool with that. Don't play games with me and leave me guessing. I hate that shit.

12) I find that my obsessive-compulsive side is coming out a bit more now. I'm a little nuts lately. I actually make my bed the EXACT same way everyday. The way I fold the sheet, where I put the pillow while I make my bed, the way the pillows are positioned...I have it down to a fine art. My shower routine is the same everyday. I like routine a little too much I think.

13) People are pissing me off a lot more lately. The stupidity that some people possess amazes me. And yes, I realize that sometimes I say stupid things....but I am not stupid. I am just innocent and naive sometimes. I also do not pay attention to what is going on in the world around me.

14) I have absolutely no idea what to be for Hallowe'en. I don't know why this is bothering me because it is relatively far away. But for some reason it's causing me stress.

15) I just spent a lot of money on clothes I don't need. But they made me happy, so they're worth it.

Why Did I Let You Go Again?

I miss dancing.

I miss that feeling after performing where you can't breathe because you've just poured out your heart and soul into the dance. It takes everything from you and you just want to give it more.

I miss the way that I could control my movement...my muscles and my body. People would have been amazed at the amount of muscle control I used to have. I challenge someone to find me a football or hockey player that can stand with one of their legs extended beside their head and hold it for at least a minute. There probably isn't one. I wish I could still do that.

Oddly enough I miss the pain. Not the bad pain where something is broken or sprained, but the kind of pain that comes from pushing your body to the limit. I love that feeling. No matter what I do I can't seem to get that feeling from anything else.

When I danced every thought left my head and it was pure bliss. You know that routine so well that it becomes part of you and you don't have to think about it. All you have to think about is how it makes you feel. And it made me feel amazing.

I miss learning a new routine, a new technique, a new move, a new form of dance. I remember when I first learned lyrical. I'm pretty sure that I fell in love. It was so beautiful and moving, and all I wanted to do is learn how to move like that. I wish I could still move like that.

I miss the strain on my muscles. The feeling of stretching them until they might snap, but you know you can push yourself further. Or sometimes they just snapped. I don't miss that.

I miss the feeling of pushing off from the ground. Jumping as high as you can. Stretching your legs are far as they'll go. But landing as softly as a leaf falling to the ground. Jumps were my favourite. I loved the feeling of being in the air. I can't jump anymore, when did that happen?

Dance was such a huge part of my life...it was my life. It made me who I was....who I am? 24 hours a week for ten months a year, at least eight routines a year. I dedicated most of my time to it. And then I just dropped it. I quit. It wasn't because I didn't love dancing anymore, I miss it more than anyone could possibly ever know. I don't know why I won't take a class or something. Maybe I'm afraid. Afraid that I've lost my touch...afraid it won't satisfy me......afraid that I'll want more.

All I know is that I miss it. My body misses it.

Why did I let it go?

A Pounding Headache in the First Week of School is Never a Good Thing

I am exhausted. I am stressed. I feel like I'm getting nowhere in life. No matter how much work I do, it feels as though I have barely made a dent. It's the first week of school. Why do I feel like there is so much to do?

I always start out the school year in the opposite way. Totally and completely relaxed. Not caring a bit. Then when midterms rape me in a back alley and steal my wallet I finally get my ass in gear. Maybe it's because...this is it. The last chance for me to prove myself. Prove myself to who you ask? To me. I don't care what anyone else thinks at this point. I just want to know that I can do it. But at what cost? My physical health.......my emotional health? My social life? My friendships and relationships? None of that should have to suffer so that I can feel accomplished academically. Yet...it is. Especially my health.

I need to find a balance. I need time for myself, to do schoolwork, go to the gym, eat, sleep, be with my friends, spend some time with the family. How do I fit all of this into my life? How do those crazy people who have five jobs, are on sports teams, get 95s' and still manage to have a social life do it? I will NEVER be one of those people. I like to have time to myself WAY too much. Oh why am I such a hermit? I have always been horrible at time management. For example, I could be at the gym right now.....but instead I am writing a blog. Good use of time Jaime...A+!!

Lately I feel as though I am being pulled in so many different directions. My sanity is definitely suffering. I get yelled at for going to visit friends in waterloo, I feel guilty for spending time by myself, not doing homework is basically a sin right now to me (not that I even have that much, two of my classes are useless). Why do I have to do what everybody else wants me to do? Pretty sure I should be able to go wherever I want without feeling guilty. Or is that not allowed now either?

All I know is that I'm going to start doing what is best for me and if people can't handle that...then they didn't care that much in the first place.

Suddenly I See Why The Hell It Means So Much To Me

The first day of school is today, and I can't sleep. I am too excited, nervous, scared and sad to sleep. There are so many memories and thoughts...I didn't even know I remembered some of this stuff. I remember when four years felt like an eternity. I thought I would never get through it and end up as a vagabond (that was for you Melissa) in Union Station with a sign that says, "Will Dance For Crack". However, it looks like I'm going to get that damn piece of paper. I will be a scientist...a biologist more specifically. It sounds so grown up. I don't want to grow up, but we've all established that. I want to slow down time and savour every minute...every second. Where did the last three years go? They were pretty awesome. I always rolled my eyes whenever someone would say, "You won't even recognize yourself after University, they really are the best years of your life." I understand them now. I'm not even done University and I am so different from the person I used to be.

I used to hate change. I wanted everything to be the same. I've outgrown that mentality now, maybe because I've changed. I realized that it's ok to not know what I want to do for the rest of my life right out of university. Almost nobody knows. It's ok if I want to take a semester off before doing Master's to work and travel. If I don't travel now when the hell am I going to? And I've wanted to go to Europe for as long as I can remember. I will regret it if I don't go, even if it's by myself, I'm going. I never would have done that before.

The best memories I have are of Melissa and I at home. I know, I'm such a loser (maybe that's why I have no stories). We honestly have the best time sitting around doing nothing. That girl can make me laugh so hard I can't breathe. I almost killed her when she had bronchitis and was making her laugh. But it only made us laugh harder. I can still picture her quite clearly curled up on my bed, coughing, laughing, crying and pounding the bed with her fist at the same time. I think she was trying to tell me not to make her laugh...oops. I could not have asked for a better housemate. The more time we spend together the better we get along. I only have one class with her this semester...I will definitely be suffering from separation anxiety. How will I ever survive without her there to bail me out? I'm pretty sure she's the only reason I am still in school. As a housemate, she's seen me at my worst (no make-up anyone? hello, it's not pretty). She knows when I want to be left alone and when I don't. She hates people just as much as I do. Most people bond over the stuff they like....we bonded over the stuff we hate. Sounds weird, but it works for us. I don't know how I'll live alone/without her after this year. We have a new roommate this year, and I'm super excited about it. She seems really nice and friendly. Hopefully it will work out alright.

The most valuble lessons that I've learned at school are not the ones in the classroom, although those ARE important for life. But really, how many times do I need to be taught about PCR, seriously people, it's not that difficult. I've learned more about myself this past year than I could ever have imagined. If I didn't have my friends there supporting me I probably would have fallen apart. I've learned what a true friend is to me now and why I appreciate them. A true friend is the one who sits with you in the bathroom while you're drunk, missing the party and holding your hair back while you're being sick and saying that they don't mind at all. And you know that they don't. They will also agree with you when you say you're not that drunk, but they know that you are. They are just as happy as you when you get good news, and are possibly even more upset when something bad happens because it kills them to see you hurt/sad. They freak out as much as you do when the sketchiest thing EVER happens (you know what I'm talking about). You can get in a fight and bounce back stronger than before because you're both more honest with each other. They understand everything you are thinking just from a look across the room, because they are probably thinking the EXACT same thing. Nothing makes me happier than when Melissa physically attacks me after not seeing me for two days because she missed me, or hearing Trish call me a slut. I used to be pretty cavalier about some friends...letting them drift. I figured that people change and grow apart...which is true. But sometimes it doesn't have to happen. I won't let it happen to the friends that I love and need. I've sworn that I will put the effort in. Some friends have drifted this year in some ways, but we still remain close. I love that we can pick up where we left off and still appreciate each other.

This school year is starting with a lot of changes in my life. One I'm really happy about, but I don't want to jinx it. I think it will be an awesome experience that is needed in my life. It will be good for me. I think I will finally get what I want and need at the same time. All it took to make my decision was the words, "I'll wait for you", a stuffed turtle and some apple pie. Sometimes pie really does hold all the answers.

I can't wait for this year. I am going to try and appreciate every minute.