My Internal Organs are Having a Raging Debate.

I wish I could still trust myself. My mind is telling me one thing, my heart another. I don't know which to believe, or which to trust. I am consciously trying to protect myself, yet at the same time I'm trying to let go. There used to be a time when my heart and mind were in sync, I had no conflicts...those days are long gone.

I feel like I can't trust my intuition anymore. I don't know what I want, or what I need. I used to know exactly what I wanted, and I never thought about it, I just went for it. I almost always got what I wanted. Now I hesitate. I wonder WHY I want it. I don't feel like I deserve it anymore.

I know why I feel this way. He made me think I didn't deserve it. I never got reassurance...you always left me wondering what I'd done wrong. I always felt inadequate, and that I just wasn't good enough. I was always jealous...always wondering. I could never trust you, I doubted you, so in turn I ended up doubting myself.

I know now that I did nothing wrong. It just wasn't right, it was awful actually. We were so wrong for each other it was just ridiculous. I am glad we broke up. I have found out more about myself because of it and I know it was right. And I know I will be OK.

I am figuring out a way to trust myself again. It is slow going, but I have people to help me and wait for me. I know I can trust them and that they will be there for me. You may have shaken my self-confidence, but I will bounce back, stronger than before. My heart and mind will once again be OK with each other. I can't wait for that day.