you know I'll take you there.

It's like I'm so stressed over nothing that every emotion is just building up inside me and wanting to get out. Do I scream in frustration? Or cry? Punch someone in the face? Laugh hysterically? I can't decide. It's all there. This is a long hard week and something is going to have to give.
I haven't been sleeping very well lately and have been working pretty long hours. I also have to pack up my room, paint my new room, move all my stuff, buy new furniture, say good-bye to my roommate of the past three years......all while learning a new job and getting chirped on all day by a bunch of guys. I mean I know most of it is all fun and games, but there is only so much one person can take. Doesn't help that I am MAJORLY PMS-ing.
Not to mention the fact that I feel absolutely disgusting lately. I feel very aware of my body and everything about it and what other people can see. I had to have my body composition taken today as part of my training and I just felt so embarassed and self-conscious throughout the entire thing. I have no idea why I did either because I've had it done before and by a guy, but it just felt humiliating today. I'm just in a total slump this past week and I need to snap out of it.

"Oh....um....crap, she's not here right now, can I take a message?"

1. So I started my new job at GoodLife, it's going pretty well so far. Lots of reading and getting trained, which is kind of slow, but it's a good environment to be in. Everyone is super encouraging and nice....except when they pick on me. haha, love how everyone is super nice to Kristen (the other new trainer) and picks on me because they already know me. Way to make me feel welcome guys....awesome. It's really weird to be at work and have guys there now. Some of the members are SMOKIN' hot though. It's hard not to stare sometimes. hahahaha.

2. Spent the weekend in Wasaga with the high school girlies for Jenny's birthday, and it was insanity. The guys there are on another level of creepiness. They just walk right up to you and try to kiss you or put their hand up your skirt. Way to make me swoon guys. You know JUST what to do.

3. I'm having a seriously hard time finding an apartment. Everything is either too expensive or too crappy or living with a weirdo. I don't mind paying a LITTLE extra, but seriously, $800 a month for a basement apartment....get real. I may have to live out of my van..........I don't think I'd survive a week. haha

4. Ok, so usually when guys ask me for my number at a bar, rather than just saying no (unless they are super creepy or a huge jerk) I will give them a wrong number. Then I don't have to be a HUGE bitch and say no or deal with their call a few days later. But in Wasaga this weekend I was super drunk and actually gave out my REAL number. I was avoiding answering the phone for like five days and then was like, "Oh you're being an idiot, guys never ACTUALLY call girls that they try to pick up in a bar." Low and behold, the next time I picked up the phone it was the guy from Wasaga (who is the guy in the cowboy hat in the picture above). SERIOUSLY?! Who the hell knew guys ACTUALLY called!? Because I thought that they just never called! At least that's what I hear from other girls. Anyways, to get rid of him I pretended to be Melissa and told him I wasn't home.

5. I've been pretty good these past couples of weeks about eating properly and working out and stuff....gotta get a hot body because nobody will hire a personal trainer who is fatter than them! But I caved last night and had Wendy's.....it was beautiful. Mozzarella Supreme Burger.....so friggin' good. But seriously....the caving in has GOT to stop. I mean once in awhile is alright, but I've got to get a grip on myself. I actually have to exercise some self-control.......but first I have to get some.

6. In other news, where in the world is Trish Moffatt?! It's been almost a week since I've talked to you! WHERE ARE YOU?!

7. I feel like shopping like crazy. Just going out and buying a WHOLE bunch of stuff that I don't need. I do need to go shopping for some work stuff....like black pants and shorts and probably another new pair of running shoes. But I feel like buying stuff I don't need. It's a dangerous feeling. Especially since I don't really have a paycheck for awhile. SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!

I Can't Believe It's Over

I just had the most exhausting night ever. It was emotionally exhausting and therefore physically exhausting as well. I didn't get to sleep until 8:30 this morning.

That's right. I spent the night reading the seventh Harry Potter book.

No joke.

If anyone has NOT read Harry Potter, I suggest you do so immediately so that you can read this book. Because it is the most fantastic book EVER. I started crying in the second chapter and didn't stop until the book was done. I know, I'm a loser. I don't CARE! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!

It was everything that I thought it would be and more! Everything that I wished she'd do happened and yet there was always something more.

It was heartbreakingly sad. About halfway through I realized that I would never read a Harry Potter book for the first time ever again, and I didn't want to read it anymore. I wanted to preserve that moment where there was something unknown and something new to learn about the books that I've grown to adore over the past six years.

The book was also ridiculously heartbreaking in itself. Why did she have to kill so many characters who I loved and were so amazing? The second death that happened in the book shocked me. How could she kill something so innocent? I just burst into tears and sat there crying for a good five minutes. Little did I know that this was just the first of many of those outbursts to come, because JK Rowling was relentless in her quest of killing off innocent characters.

The night was one of those ones where you cry because you're so ridiculously happy and yet your heart is breaking at the same time. I know it's just a book. But these are characters that you've seen grow over the past ten years and you somehow feel like they are a part of you. Unless you TRULY appreciate Harry Potter you will not understand what I'm saying and think I'm an idiot/loser. But I'm not. And you just can't understand.

The book is one of those ones that I cannot read in public because people will wonder why the crazy girl is crying while reading a children's story. But it's not a children's story. It's SO much more than that. The struggle between good and evil, your friends being there for you, having faith, fighting for the ones you love, giving everything for people you don't even know. There is so much that we could learn from these books and we don't even know it.

Too bad I think I'm a muggle. Ah well. At least I've got the books.

Bored = Bankrupt

Ew, is it like a pre-requisite for men around me to be FUCKING CREEPS?! This one friggin' creepo was starring at me for like an hour during the First Aid/CPR training course I just took. EW. I did NOT pay $75 to get stared at like a piece of meat. I could kick his ass. GROSS.

I'm feeling a little......I guess the word is lost lately. I'm not too sure what is wrong with me, but I hope I snap out of it soon. One minute I will be perfectly fine and happy and jumping around, the next I will be like, "get the F away from me." I don't understand it. Could be because I'm having some SERIOUS nerves about my interview on Wednesday for the personal trainer job at GoodLife, or could be because I'm just a tool. Whichever. UGH, there's also this one girl that I just want to smack everytime I see her. It's really annoying. But SHE'S SO ANNOYING AND STUPID! And I swear to GOD, if she giggles and flips her hair ONE MORE TIME I will snap. I fucking hate girls like that. And if she tans anymore she will officially be a nice shade of tangerine. EW.

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit lonely too. I enjoy being alone, but sometimes it's hard too. I think I might feel a little bit less stressed out if I actually get the job at GoodLife too, because a lot of what is worrying me is not being able to find/afford a relatively nice apartment. I refuse to lower my standards. I do NOT want to have to deal with centipedes. EW. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I spent too much money shopping today. I was bored and feeling kinda alone so I went to the mall.....and bought shoes and a shirt and another shirt. All of which I didn't need. But the shoes MAY just be the love of my life. They are Diesel running shoes and quite pretty and comfy and amazing. AND they were on sale for like $40 off. So I guess I was saving money?! I also bought a blender of all things. Odd I know. But I think I'm going to start making protein shakes. I made one this morning....but I forgot to put ice in it.....so it was a weird texture, hahahaha.

I am SERIOUSLY contemplating getting a tattoo. I used to want one SOOOOOOO bad, but then decided it wouldn't be cool. But now I want one again. I want it on the back of my neck, in white ink and to say "Love" or "Live" in a cool writing. I am currently researching cool fonts and stuff online. This is serious. hahahahaha. Don't tell my mom.

EW. I've been a cow this weekend. It is BAD. I haven't been to the gym and have been eating WHATEVER the fuck I want. McDonald's yesterday, then ice cream, then tonnes of chocolate peanut butter stuff today and MORE ice cream. I can actually feel myself becoming bloated and nasty looking. Lovely. And it isn't such a secret why I don't have a boyfriend or anyone interested. hahahaha, oh I should stop pretending that I care, because I honestly don't. I've come to the conclusion that all boys are douchebags and not worth my time.

touch my ass again and I will break your finger

This is what happens when you drink 1.5 L of wine, as shown in the first picture. I think Maria should visit every weekend, best time ever. hahaha! Guelph is packed full of douchebags too, not just Oakville. They are EVERYWHERE. I can't stand it. This one jerkoff was pinching my ass all night, I finally lost my shit and threatened loss of limb if he did it again. I wish Steve had been there because he would have pounded his face in. Sometimes it helps to have friends who do powerlifting and weigh like 230 pounds of pure muscle. If only he'd been there. hahaha
So freaking lazy last night.
I am contemplating quitting my job already. My manager quit and it is basically me and Leta in the backend trying to get to our quota of $31,000. We are at like $1400 so far. Go us.

Jeff is trying to 'woo' me over to GoodLife. I am pretty much sold. Just have to talk to Chris to see if he will help me get certified to be a trainer. Pretty sure he will. I hope he will. hahaha.

I fucking HATE the girls who live downstairs. They are fat cows and so fucking obnoxious. One of them hit my car with their huge ass work truck. PARK ON THE STREET YOU SKANK.
Oh, and your boyfriend is hideous.

I've REALLY got to get on finding another place to live. Otherwise I'm SCREWED.

I have been trying to be more 'nutritious' lately, i.e. not eat like five chocolate bars a day and bagels and all that crap. It is SO hard to eat the proper amount of portions at each meal, like 30% proteins and fats and 40% carbs. But I think it's starting to work. Apparently a lot of my love handles are gone and my tummy bulge...this is according to Maria and Melissa. I will take their word for it. I haven't really noticed any difference. I caved last night and ate a huge fucking sundae with peanut butter cups, whip cream and chocolate sauce. It was orgasmic.

Brett's little girl Aly is so adorable. She wears these teeny little baby crocs and smiles and waves everytime I see her. She was waving at me when I was doing bicep curls and makes faces on the glass of the daycare centre. It almost made me have a maternal urge. ALMOST. hahahahaha.

"What do you want to do tonight?" "Let's go dancing!" "Good idea buddy!"

1) I find it kind of hard to write blogs when I'm feeling good and happy. Weird eh? I think I see blogs as a way of venting and releasing bad feelings, so when I'm feeling good I don't like to write blogs because I want to keep all the happiness inside and not let it out. Is that selfish?! hahaha! I don't care if it is!





2) Happy Father's Day Daddy!!!!!!! You're the bestest!





3) hahahaha, oh man, on Friday I got hit on by this guy, and he was actually quite nice and relatively cute, but he was wearing plaid board shorts and a striped polo. And I couldn't quite handle it. If single guys are wondering why they are still single, it's usually because of the way they dress or dance.





4) On Saturday at Squeeze we danced the night away. It was awesome. Although, what was perplexing was the group of five or six guys who were just like standing in a circle in the middle of the dance floor talking and then they'd randomly dance, and then just start talking again. Is this normal guy behaviour? I don't get it. Shouldn't you be wanting to dance with girls and not your guy friends? Do groups of guys sitting around on Saturday say, "We should go dancing!" like girls do?





Boys confuse me.





5) They're already talking about promoting me at work. I find this hilarious and exciting at the same time. I really need the money, but I find it hilarious that they want me to start on sales for personal training and the nutrition program, and then take the personal training course, and possibly be the assistant Zone Health centre manager. ummmmmm, I do nothing at work. Seriously. I am pro at looking like I am working, when I am actually doing nothing. It's kind of awesome. I do enjoy the comfy track suits though.





6) I got offered a job at GoodLife Fitness in membership sales too. Jeff was like, "I would have hired you! Why didn't you come talk to me?!". So if I decide that I don't like my job now, or that I would prefer working at GoodLife there is apparently a job waiting for me at the Fairway one, which is pretty freaking sweet.





7) I have realized I like food way too much for my own good. Like, I really really REALLY like it. I think I may need help.





8) I got a marriage proposal this week, I am considering accepting. hahahahaha, but not really. I'm not too sure I could ever live with a boy. ick. Oh, and plus the proposal was a joke from Chris.

9) Oakville is packed full of popped collared, white button-up shirts wearing, spike-y haired douchebags. Seriously.....it's chock full of them. If that is your type, get here now. You have your pick. If I see one more white button-up shirt I will flip out. All the guys here are just clones of one another. It is SO boring and I am so OVER IT.

just a deep breath and you'll be fine.

I had a slight mini-panic attack this morning as I was lying in bed. Usually on Saturdays I will lie in bed until 9 or 10 with the window open just chilling with my bad self, but today I couldn't do it. I felt restless and agitated and I couldn't sit still. I couldn't shut my mind off and think of the stupid, mundane, pointless things that usually occupy my thoughts, it was all big stuff.....really big scary stuff. So I had to move to make that stuff go away, because I can't think about it yet, it's all too scary.

If I think about it it will all hit me at once and I won't be able to deal with it. I am still coping with the whole moving out thing. It is going well, but it is still scarier than I thought. I can't bring myself to go home yet, for fear that I won't leave again because it's comfortable and un-scary there. This room that used to feel like home to me is now not feeling like that, and I need to find a place that will do that for me, so it won't be as scary. It doesn't help that my mom wants me to come home and most of my friends aren't that supportive...only Trish really. I'm glad she told me she was proud of me because otherwise I don't think I could do it.

I was told lately that I was selfish and self-absorbed and only thought about myself, but I kind of feel like I have to be. I mean, I don't really think of myself that way, sure I like to do my own thing and I like to be alone, and I know that I am self-absorbed sometimes, but I've never really thought of myself as selfish. That is a horrible thing to say to someone, especially if it's not true. And what kills me the most is the person that told me that is the one I've done the most for in the past few years and I feel like I've been there for her and this is what she thinks of me? It would help if she was there for me when I needed her to, instead of telling me I'm self-absorbed. She doesn't realize that not everyone is as strong as her and wasn't born with her natural self-confidence.

I won't apologize for being that way. It was being that way that made me realize that maybe I was heading down the wrong path, that research and molecular biology wasn't right for me. I still love it, because I'm a huge nerd, and I love learning, but I need something more. I really like my new job, I like working with people and helping people realize their goals, it's made me happier and healthier. I will also absolutely NOT apologize for getting a personal trainer and going to the gym more, which is apparently what made me self-absorbed. I hated my body, and felt uncomfortable ALL the time, that is not how someone should live their life. Now I actually kind of like myself, and I'm starting to feel proud of the way that I look and not hiding from it as much. I'm not there yet, but I will be. And if going to the gym is making me feel this way, then like hell I'm going to stop. My trainer, Chris, has been more supportive of me in these past few months in ways that no one else has ever been. He's kind of past being a trainer, more of a friend now, which is fine with me, because I think he's a great person.

I really just wish that people could see it from other people's points of view more often. Something that may not be scary for you could be absolutely terrifying for someone else, maybe even the thing they fear the most. If you don't try and see it their way you will never understand them.

It's gotten to the point where I feel isolated and that I can't be around some people because I know how they think of me...and why would I want to be around people who think of me that way? I have other friends who think I'm great and are proud of me and support me, and I don't need to put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable and judged.

I had to take a walk to clear my head, and it worked. I love walks. I'm such a loser I know, but I love being by myself walking down the trail by the river. I will take pictures and show you, because it is beautiful in a way that the trails in Oakville could never be. Guelph is such a different place, and it has its own pace, it takes a little bit to get used to. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it, because I tend to do things at my own speed anyways and not really wait for anyone, it's a fault I know.

And when my head cleared I realized that I don't need anyone else to be proud of me (except for my parents and Trish) because I'm proud of myself.

oh, HELL no.

2 Jager bombs + 4 Swedish Berries shots + at least 7 beers = the most BRUTAL night of my life.

My apologies to Trish who had to take care of me while I was throwing up and then listen to me crying for an hour. Seriously, I don't know what the fuck is up with me throwing up when drinking lately. I think I need to learn to accept that I no longer have my alcoholic-like tolerance that I used to have in high school.......because I WAS an alcoholic back then. hahaha.

Oh man, today was balls. It was just awful. I was lying rotting on the couch for like three hours and then forced myself to take a walk outside to get some fresh air, which actually really really helped. But seriously, I am NEVER drinking that much again. I'm not even drinking again until my birthday, and even then I'm only having like.....three beers. And with my pathetic tolerance that will probably get me drunk. So sad. So very very sad.

In other news I saw Knocked Up on Friday....and it is friggin' AWESOME. Everyone should go and see it immediately....if not sooner! Seriously, it was soooo hilarious. I was actually crying at one point and my abs were burning. It was a brilliant movie. I haven't seen a movie that good in a VERY long time. Incredible.

Although I have decided I am NEVER having children. They showed the "crowning" moment of childbirth and it just looked awful. That is NOT natural. I don't care what anyone says...having snot-nosed brats scream at you for the next 30 years is not worth that. Not cool, not cool at all.

Sunscreen

I'm sure you'll all recognize this "speech" because it was made into a song a few years back and has been e-mailed around like crazy. But I love it, and my friend Jenny gave me a book of it back when I turned 19 and I found it the other day and read it. And I still love it. So you should all read it....and listen to it/think about what it says.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

WEAR SUNSCREEN.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

whereas the restof my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy

the

P O W E R

and

B E A U T Y

of

your youth.

Oh, never mind.

You will not

understand the

power and beauty

of your youth

until they've

faded.

But trust me,

in twenty years,
you'll look back
at photos
of yourself and
recall in a way
you can't grasp
now how much
possibility
lay before you

and how fabulous

you really looked.

You are

NOT

as

f a t

as

you

imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective

as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life

are apt to be things that never crossed your worried

mind, the kind that blindside you at four P.M.

on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people

who are

reckless

with yours.

FLOSS.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead......sometimes you're behind.

The race is l-o-n-g and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive.

Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters.

Throw away your old bank statements.

s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

Don't feel guilty if you

don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people

I know didn't know at twenty-two what they wanted

to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting

forty-year-olds I know

still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll

dance the funky chicken

on your seventy-fifth wedding anniversary.

ENJOY YOUR BODY. Use it every way you can.

Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

D-A-N-C-E.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions...even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents.

You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Understand that friends come and go,

but with a precious few you should hold on.

TRAVEL.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

But trust me, on the sunscreen.

Friend Making 101

BOO. I am going through one of those phases today where I'm all like mopey and depressed and annoying myself. UGH. I hate days like this when you look in the mirror and no matter what the logical side of your brain is telling you, all you can think is, "EW, that's disgusting" (refering to yourself of course). BLAH!

Of course the fact that I haven't been to the gym since Saturday could be contributing to that feeling, but I've been lazy/busy. Mostly lazy. I so could have gone yesterday, but went shopping instead, ah well. Gonna work it out tomorrow. Then hopefully this gross/ugly/depressing feeling will go away.

Also feeling super lazy and do not want to pack up all of my stuff to move back to Guelph tomorrow. I'm not too excited about that, seeing as I JUST got everything unpacked. And there is a box of shit in my room that I have to go through. I hate moving around, I like feeling settled. And also I thought I'd be more excited about moving back, but I'm not really feeling it so much right now, who knows why. Maybe it's the depressed, gross feeling seeping into other areas of my life. Also realized that I have like no friends up in Guelph right now, so it's going to be pretty boring. Ah well, guess I will have to learn how to make new friends........how do you do that?

mmmm I can smell the pretentiousness in the air

I'm losing my mind a little bit more everyday that I am in Oakville. I don't know why I am hating it so much right now, usually I love the pretentious snottiness of the place when it's in all its glory, but lately I am loathing it.

It kind of feels like I am suffocating and just can't get out....but that could just be the heat. It's funny how my parents aren't even that overbearing and "do this with your life instead of this", but I feel like they are. They were being all "let's give advice to the university grad on what she should do with her life" earlier when I first moved back, but then I told them I was moving to Guelph no matter what they said and they shut up and realized it was true. My dad keeps making suggestions for me to keep living at home and I just keep saying no. I know that I am their only daughter and they love me so they want me to stay, but I just feel like in order to move forward in life I have to move out. There is something stagnant about this place for me, it makes me really unproductive.

The wise thing to do this summer would have been to work at the bank or get a job in Oakville while living at home to save money. But I have never done the wise thing, I always just do what I want at the time and tend to plan that way. whatever. Maybe in a few months I will realize the stupidity of my mistake and learn the consequences of having no money and will move back to Oakville and beg for a job somewhere, but I doubt it. I am one of those people that doesn't mind being alone and kind of likes it. A loser? loner.....who knows. I'm not too sure I can live with someone ever again. I enjoy my space and I don't feel like I'm getting it.

I think I will go to the driving range later. I feel like I need more physical activity in the forms of a sport in my life. Plus there are no driving ranges that I know of in Guelph so I gotta get my fix before I go.

HAHAHA BUH BYE SRI LANKANS!

1) I. AM. DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEE YOU IN HELL SUCKERS! I finished at the bank FOREVER! THAT'S RIGHT! I am never going back there, EVER, and you can't make me! I am so glad that it's over and done with! I fuckin HATE that place. I hate traveling on the train to work, walking up Bay street, going down FOUR STOREYS underground and sitting in a place that makes me feel like I'm on an airplane all day with gross recirculated air. It makes my skin disgusting and I feel depressed and useless in life when I'm there. Although they did give me samosas yesterday, which was pretty awesome.

2) I just ate half of a huge Rolo caramel filled egg. It was disgusting and so satisfying at the same time. I have been having MASSIVE chocolate cravings and just cravings in general. I hate it. It's so gross how you cannot control it. Well, I cannot control it. I have no willpower or self-control. I am weak. And it is sad. I must now go to the gym and do like four hours of cardio to burn off the calories from that stupid fucking egg.

3) I've been looking at apartments online for in Guelph. I can't believe they want $600 a month for a bachelor! WTF!? hahaha, I am clearly new at this whole renting thing. I fucking hate renting. It's such a waste of money. But how else am I supposed to live? On the street? I could live with a roommate again (a stranger mind you) and save money......but do I really feel like sharing a bathroom with a total stranger? I don't know. We'll see how I feel in July or so, I could feel differently about blowing my hard-earned cash on rent just because I don't want to share a bathroom and kitchen.

4) I have realized that living in Oakville makes me fat. No joke. It's because my mom stockpiles all of this stuff like cookies, chocolate bars, chips, popcorn, etc that I don't even bother buying in Guelph because I can't afford it. Plus I tend to be bored a lot more in Oakville because I don't have Melissa or Austin to entertain me. My parents tend to rely on me for entertainment and my cats just lie there and look cute.

5) I really don't like the Goodlife in Oakville. It is in a basement and there isn't really a flow to the set-up, and no real space to do free weight workouts in. Also all of the people who work there and train there are snobby, stuck-up, pretentious ass holes. The girls give me evil eyes, the trainers have this look like, "I am so much better than you because I'm a trainer" and then there's me that just goes around and I do my thing and ignore everyone. Maybe they are all jealous of my sweet ass. Who knows. Apparently sweating at the gym is "gross" as I heard one girl put it. If you're not going to sweat why are you even there?!?!??! Seriously the girl said to her friend, "Ew, that girl is actually sweating! Gross!" What the fuck is wrong with people these days?!

6) It is FUCKING HOT in my room. Like absolutely ridiculous. My dad won't turn on the air conditioning because it's supposed to go down again over the weekend, so he just won't turn it on. WTF?! Not that my room gets any air circulation anyways. Ah well, I suppose I should get used to living without a/c....I won't be able to afford it when I move to Guelph.

7) Two of my light bulbs have burnt out and I am WAY too lazy to replace them. There are these lightbulbs that you can use that are better for the environment, and if you replace just one bulb in your house it's like taking 5 cars off the road or something. Who knows. I saw it on Ellen when I was being a bum last week. I think I'm going to try and find those. I figure I should do something seeing as I am probably solely responsible for the earth's water shortage from the length of my showers.

8) I am now going to the snotty gym to work off my Rolo egg.

National Break-Up Week

This has been the most random insane week ever. It's like break-up season or something, first me and Tony and then, oddly enough, Melissa and Steve. Which is insane because I was like 500% positive that they were going to get married. So was she, so she's pretty much completely and totally heartbroken. If I ever see Steve again, I will KILL him.

I got the job at Exclusively Women's Fitness.....get this, as a Fitness Consultant HAHAHAHA. I actually lecture people about fitness and nutrition. HILARIOUS. I wish they paid me more, but I gotta start somewhere. And if I decide to get certified for personal training they will help pay for part of it. So we'll see how it goes. I had to give two weeks notice at the bank, and I was kinda scared to do it. My boss can be scary sometimes, but she was totally cool and all like, "oh you don't even need to give two weeks" but I need the money and my other job doesn't start until June 5th, so I'm going in. Let's hope I can find somewhere to live on my seriously limited income, and that my Dad sucks it up and let's me keep the car without blowing it to the insurance company, otherwise it's -$3000 a year for Jaime. Not cool.

I have a serious crush on my personal trainer, Chris. He, of course, has an amazing body.....I almost swooned today when I saw him without his shirt on. He asked for my number...not going to lie, I gave it to him. It may be too soon after a relationship, but I think it would be kind of fun to go on a date. I don't think I've ever REALLY been on a date where you meet at a prearranged place and time, just the two of you and aren't already boyfriend and girlfriend. How sad is that. I clearly lead a boring, mundane existence. Anyways, he's a bit older......and by a bit I'm guessing he's around 37. Ah well. The abs are totally hot.

I'm LOVING the Stones vs. Beatles weekend on Q107. It brings a highlight to my sad, pathetic life.

Visited the old high school this week too. It was quite the trip. My grade seven homeroom teacher is retiring so I talked to her for awhile, and got to chat with Miss Renwick (who is SO awesome), and Mr. Schreiner...who wasn't even my teacher and somehow remembers me. He says it's because I was so loud and always interrupted his class. I'd believe it. Something about that place makes me and Tina start to scream and jump around and be loud. I'm SO sending my kids there if I have girls. Although it will probably cost like $30,000 a year or something ridiculous like that. Who knows.

I love pizza.

fugly

Ugh. I had high expectations for yesterday, and it SO didn't pan out. I hate it when that happens. It makes me all depressed and like, "Why me? Why didn't this happen?" and I hate getting all whiny and baby-ish like that. Boo. I'm so not cool right now because I'm all mopey and wondering what happened to my high-expectations day. I think I need to start getting more sleep because I've kind of been like this for two days now, and it's definitely not from 'female problems' so I wonder what's wrong with me. I'm actually annoying the crap out of myself.

I think it's kind of because they didn't immediately offer me a job after I did that stupid gym tour, so now I'm all questioning my self-worth and confidence. I hate it when something so small can just totally zap away all the fake confidence that you've built up. But she said they'd call me on Friday, so I'm still really hoping that I get the job because I want it so bad. But maybe I want it TOO bad and just looked kind of desperate...who knows.

I have just that UGHHHHHH feeling where you feel so fat and fugly and disgusting and lack all self-confidence. Also, haven't been feeling too good for the past couple of days, maybe have a stomach thing. Who knows.

I'm going to the gym. They say endorphins make you happy...so let's see if that theory is right.

Could possibly be the love of my life...

1) I bought booty jean shorts. I felt it was time to break out the new legs to the world. I am feeling quite proud of them and how muscular they look. Maybe if you're lucky I will post a picture of me wearing them......only if you're lucky though.

2) I'm in the process of being interviewed for a job at Exclusively Women's Fitness Club in Guelph. I seriously hope that I get it because I want to move out of my parent's house. I suppose I could move out anyways, but it just makes no sense if I have to keep the job at the bank. Which I hope that I don't. This place has a series of THREE interviews.....insane. I have to memorize an advertising thing about a tour and then give the tour to someone. I am freaked. I think that if I do pretty well on this that I will get the job though.

3) TiVo may be the love of my life. It's awesome. You can just record something, watch it whenever and fast forward through the commercials. It's amazing.

4) It's weird that I get cravings for the couple of days after my period. Like, I don't understand...shouldn't it be before? Usually before I tend to just burst into tears at the slightest emotional twinge. It's annoying as shit. But not as annoying as cravings a Wendy's Bacon Cheeseburger while I'm on the Special K diet.

5) My hair is ridiculously blonde. Like when she was drying it I was kind of like, "ok....that's not so bad...I like it........oh...it's still almost completely wet?" Like holy mother fucker. I'm still trying to decide whether I like it or not. I'm afraid that I am going to look like one of those incredibly fake blonde girls where their hair is actually a light shade of green because they've highlighted it so much. I will post pictures.

6) I am slowly developing a shoe fetish. It is scary and sad. I have found this new love for footwear that I never had before. I kind of feel like I'm cheating on the rest of my wardrobe with shoes, and whenever I bring home another shoebox I get the evil eye from my favourite jeans. Who knows. Is it sad that I think clothes have feelings? I love my clothes too much.

7) Did I mention that I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want that job? My parents are starting to drive me more insane...if that is even possible. And I have just been informed by Melissa that it is not possible for me to be more insane. But they keep casually suggesting career possibilities for me that have absolutely nothing to do with ANYTHING that interests me. Not cool.

8) Vanilla Girl Guide Cookies are so awesome. And are SO going to make me fat.

i love travel.

I WANT THESE UNDERWEAR!!!!! And the matching bra....but they are too expensive. Damn you Victoria's Secret. I am now completely obsessed with it.

I think that working my ass off for my bikini body was worth it. Got a lot more work to do, but this picture is kind of inspiring to me.

The remants of the most massive sundae ever. So good. I think I may have gone into hyperglycemic shock.
First bite of NYC pizza.....heaven.

Trips are awesome. I love traveling. Went everywhere I wanted to in NYC and bought a fabulous dress and some awesome shoes.