I say that it doesn't matter. But it does. I say that I don't care. But I do. It's hard with dislike and judgement pouring in from all sides. All I get is catty comments, bitchy stares and the insincere "oh, hey, good to see you" while rolling your eyes at your friends. You don't even know me, and you don't want to know me. You just want to disapprove. You say that I'm not trying, but you have no idea how hard it is. And I am trying. I wish there was more I could do, but there isn't.
I cried my heart out on Saturday night. The kind of crying where you can't speak, can't breathe, can't think and your whole body shakes. You can't stop it. I've never cried like that before in front of anyone other than my mommy or Trish. I'm glad that someone who cared about me was there to understand and to listen. I have reached my breaking point. I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not you like me. You should be happy, but all you can think about are yourselves. And you should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm done with all of it. It's clear that you'll never approve and I will not live my life waiting for your approval. I don't want to hear from people, "It doesn't matter, they won't last long anyways", because you have NO IDEA what it's like. Or what I'm like. Don't talk about what you don't know.
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4 comments:
Spoken so well.
I get it. You know I get it.
And sometimes those sobbing tears are the best tears. I did it Saturday night too. It hurts to know people are talking about you... amazing what a few harsh words can do to someone's self-esteem isn't it.
PS, You'll get through it. We'll all get through it. It hurts right now, but hopefully things will get better... for all of us.
Love you.
Those who know you, know what kind of person you are. These people you talk about aren't worth your tears. They are childish people stuck in highschool. They are people who are upset because their boy toy is gone.
It's not you.
Are you happy? You should be. Who cares what stupid girls have to say. They are missing out on a great opportunity to get to know an amazing woman because they cannot look past their own personal loss.
I know I don't know you well.. but I'm trying. A person I care about very deeply cares about you. And that is reason enough for me to make an effort. If other people can't see that, then they don't deserve to know you.
Stay strong. You'll get through this on top. Don't you worry.
It's frustrating and I was in this same position not too long ago. Karma is real, and it WILL come back around. These people who talk shit behind your back will have shit talked about them. That's how this world works. All I can say is take a deep breath and keep doing what makes you happy.
You have lots of people who love you.
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