guaranteed to blow your mind.

I am slightly regret-ful. Is that even a word? I doubt it. I can't get my head on straight and it's really freaking annoying. Like I can see reason, but I can't make myself believe it. I want to live in my fantasy world where you may like me, but I know you can't/won't/don't.

I know myself well enough to know that I can't have that. I want/deserve more.

And what about you? You can never find out about my regret. I don't want to blow it. But I want to be wanted. I like that. Who doesn't like that?

You shocked me and I'm still reeling. How come you won't look me in the eye?

I can't decide. And it's driving me insane. I don't want to think/talk about it anymore. Just make my decision for me.

you think you know...

Sweet........I think he wants me too! *fist pump* go Jaime go.
oops....probably not the best decision. Secret #2. *shhhhhhhh*
And no........I'll never tell.

lovestoned

I'm being super narcisstic today and posting tonnes of pictures. I got bored and went on a mini-photo shoot. That's what happens when you have a "lazy weekend" and just do nothing.
I actually took some semi-nude shots...but am too shy to put them up. When they look as hot as Lois' semi-nude pics then I will put them up....until then....this is what you get.

There is a guy. He's cute. I want him. Hopefully he wants me too. Guess we'll find out....

I was super impressed with myself that I could finally do french braids. They fell out after like four hours....but STILL, they were there!


I need a tan. I am a fucking ghost. It's not hot. Not hot at all. How will I attract said boy if I am transparent?

curves in all the right places

Killing time before Zeppelinesque set starts. We are just that cool. The hand that you see in the left side of the pic belongs to the world's largest prick, douchebag, arsehole EVER.
He tried to lecture us about DNA structure and the importance of genetics...........now technically I am a molecular biologist according to my Honours degree in MOLECULAR BIOLOGY AND GENETICS YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You are sitting there, in your fifth year of your PHILOSOPHY major, trying to lecture me and tell me that the structure of nucleotides in DNA HAS to be predetermined because of all this shit blah blah blah I stopped listening to you after like 20 seconds because you're such a fucktard. Go fuck yourself, I HATE YOU.
We are so fucking cool that we did a crossword puzzle in a bar while waiting for the Led Zeppelin tribute band to come on. Wish I'd gotten pictures of the lead singer in the wig......it was hilariously awesome.
*SIGH* right now I am being a loser sitting around eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate while my friend gets laid. Good for her.......bad for me.
I will be all fat and bloated and pimply and disgusting by tomorrow. That will turn on the guys. M-e-OW. They wont' know what hit them when I walk in with my unwashed/unbrushed greasy hair, pimples and sweatpants. Damn, that is sexy just thinking about it.

Sometimes my preppy, loserness astounds even me. It just comes so naturally....I look like a Ralph Lauren ad most of the time.....but without the skinny body, perfect hair and hot guy standing beside me.

Read an article in Glamour earlier about how to appreciate sex this woman had to sleep with a nerd. And that she now feels more appreciated because the nerd (for lack of better description of the guy) worships her. Now....this guy isn't a nerd. He is hot, and just because he's smart and enjoys reading does NOT make him a nerd. Stop fooling yourself, you slept with the hot, smart, bookworm guy. A REAL nerd watches Star Trek, knows the distance inbetween the planets mentioned in Star Wars and has never seen or touched a breast before. Those nerds are creepy as hell and not hot.....and definitely do not know how to have decent sex. Slept with the nerd my ass.......moron.
Download the song "Big Girls (You Are Beautiful)" by Mika immediately, if not sooner. It is awesome. Not even for "big girls", it is just all sorts of awesomeness.
I'm obsessed with Raymi's blog. It's awesome. Wish I had her sense of style and 'cool'-ness. If I met her I'd probably faint and be a loser.

i can't wait much longer

I am fucking BORED. So I took lots of pictures of myself. Love how because I gained a bit of weight my boobs are huge and popping out of the f'ing shirt. It will be gone soon....the weight that is. Not the shirt.
Zebra print belt. Best fucking belt I've EVER owned. I love it. And oddly enough it's from the Gap. They can have some pretty awesome stuff sometimes!
Disco ball in my room. It's like a party...all the fucking time. Rock on bitches.
FINALLY got some clients at work. Very exciting. My one client is a 16 year old Icelandic girl. She is very adorable and reminds me of an eskimo and tells me how awesome I am all the time. No joke. She is cute and obviously my favourite client because she tells me how good I am. hahaha.
Went on a mild shopping spree this weekend. Bought this vest from Aritzia because I've been wanting it for like a year. Not going to lie, the big allure of it is the pom-poms.

I mean come on....there are fucking pom-poms on the vest!!! Also bought like three shirts from American Eagle and a sweatshirt from Aritzia. Like I needed them. I definitely needed the money more. Ah well.

Swinging the pom-poms. I am THAT awesome. Jokes all around.
I feel like having one of those random dance parties in your house where you get soooo hyper and just can't help dancing. But I will not do that in front of my new roomies because they'd think I was insane. I miss Melissa for this sort of thing.

WHERE ARE YOU MY LOVE?!?!?!?!?!

*le sigh*

Do I ALWAYS want what I can't have? It's always back to you. I don't get it. I can't understand my thoughts or what I want. Am I realizing something...or trying to fool myself into feeling something because I think I should feel that way? Old....new........I just don't get it.





I feeling fucking disgusting lately. I've gained a bit of weight and I just feel nasty. Better work on that.



This format of the MTV MVAs is driving me nuts. They keep showing all these other parties and live performances and stuff....it's really annoying. And I'm fucking pissed that I missed Britney Spears' performance. Anyone see it? Was she decent or awful? I almost want her to be awful, but I'm slightly rooting for her as well.



Is there some sort of vibe that people give off when they dont' want to date anyone and then people won't stop bugging them. Like seriously, fuck off. When I've said that I'm too busy about ten times you'd think someone would get the hint.



I bought pink boxing gloves today. I'm super excited to not have to wear the disgusting smelly ones in the basement of GoodLife now. They smell so gross and the inside is all torn up so there is little white fluffs all over my hands when I take them off. Nasty.



FUCK. I don't get it.

you know I'll take you there.

It's like I'm so stressed over nothing that every emotion is just building up inside me and wanting to get out. Do I scream in frustration? Or cry? Punch someone in the face? Laugh hysterically? I can't decide. It's all there. This is a long hard week and something is going to have to give.
I haven't been sleeping very well lately and have been working pretty long hours. I also have to pack up my room, paint my new room, move all my stuff, buy new furniture, say good-bye to my roommate of the past three years......all while learning a new job and getting chirped on all day by a bunch of guys. I mean I know most of it is all fun and games, but there is only so much one person can take. Doesn't help that I am MAJORLY PMS-ing.
Not to mention the fact that I feel absolutely disgusting lately. I feel very aware of my body and everything about it and what other people can see. I had to have my body composition taken today as part of my training and I just felt so embarassed and self-conscious throughout the entire thing. I have no idea why I did either because I've had it done before and by a guy, but it just felt humiliating today. I'm just in a total slump this past week and I need to snap out of it.

"Oh....um....crap, she's not here right now, can I take a message?"

1. So I started my new job at GoodLife, it's going pretty well so far. Lots of reading and getting trained, which is kind of slow, but it's a good environment to be in. Everyone is super encouraging and nice....except when they pick on me. haha, love how everyone is super nice to Kristen (the other new trainer) and picks on me because they already know me. Way to make me feel welcome guys....awesome. It's really weird to be at work and have guys there now. Some of the members are SMOKIN' hot though. It's hard not to stare sometimes. hahahaha.

2. Spent the weekend in Wasaga with the high school girlies for Jenny's birthday, and it was insanity. The guys there are on another level of creepiness. They just walk right up to you and try to kiss you or put their hand up your skirt. Way to make me swoon guys. You know JUST what to do.

3. I'm having a seriously hard time finding an apartment. Everything is either too expensive or too crappy or living with a weirdo. I don't mind paying a LITTLE extra, but seriously, $800 a month for a basement apartment....get real. I may have to live out of my van..........I don't think I'd survive a week. haha

4. Ok, so usually when guys ask me for my number at a bar, rather than just saying no (unless they are super creepy or a huge jerk) I will give them a wrong number. Then I don't have to be a HUGE bitch and say no or deal with their call a few days later. But in Wasaga this weekend I was super drunk and actually gave out my REAL number. I was avoiding answering the phone for like five days and then was like, "Oh you're being an idiot, guys never ACTUALLY call girls that they try to pick up in a bar." Low and behold, the next time I picked up the phone it was the guy from Wasaga (who is the guy in the cowboy hat in the picture above). SERIOUSLY?! Who the hell knew guys ACTUALLY called!? Because I thought that they just never called! At least that's what I hear from other girls. Anyways, to get rid of him I pretended to be Melissa and told him I wasn't home.

5. I've been pretty good these past couples of weeks about eating properly and working out and stuff....gotta get a hot body because nobody will hire a personal trainer who is fatter than them! But I caved last night and had Wendy's.....it was beautiful. Mozzarella Supreme Burger.....so friggin' good. But seriously....the caving in has GOT to stop. I mean once in awhile is alright, but I've got to get a grip on myself. I actually have to exercise some self-control.......but first I have to get some.

6. In other news, where in the world is Trish Moffatt?! It's been almost a week since I've talked to you! WHERE ARE YOU?!

7. I feel like shopping like crazy. Just going out and buying a WHOLE bunch of stuff that I don't need. I do need to go shopping for some work stuff....like black pants and shorts and probably another new pair of running shoes. But I feel like buying stuff I don't need. It's a dangerous feeling. Especially since I don't really have a paycheck for awhile. SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!

I Can't Believe It's Over

I just had the most exhausting night ever. It was emotionally exhausting and therefore physically exhausting as well. I didn't get to sleep until 8:30 this morning.

That's right. I spent the night reading the seventh Harry Potter book.

No joke.

If anyone has NOT read Harry Potter, I suggest you do so immediately so that you can read this book. Because it is the most fantastic book EVER. I started crying in the second chapter and didn't stop until the book was done. I know, I'm a loser. I don't CARE! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!

It was everything that I thought it would be and more! Everything that I wished she'd do happened and yet there was always something more.

It was heartbreakingly sad. About halfway through I realized that I would never read a Harry Potter book for the first time ever again, and I didn't want to read it anymore. I wanted to preserve that moment where there was something unknown and something new to learn about the books that I've grown to adore over the past six years.

The book was also ridiculously heartbreaking in itself. Why did she have to kill so many characters who I loved and were so amazing? The second death that happened in the book shocked me. How could she kill something so innocent? I just burst into tears and sat there crying for a good five minutes. Little did I know that this was just the first of many of those outbursts to come, because JK Rowling was relentless in her quest of killing off innocent characters.

The night was one of those ones where you cry because you're so ridiculously happy and yet your heart is breaking at the same time. I know it's just a book. But these are characters that you've seen grow over the past ten years and you somehow feel like they are a part of you. Unless you TRULY appreciate Harry Potter you will not understand what I'm saying and think I'm an idiot/loser. But I'm not. And you just can't understand.

The book is one of those ones that I cannot read in public because people will wonder why the crazy girl is crying while reading a children's story. But it's not a children's story. It's SO much more than that. The struggle between good and evil, your friends being there for you, having faith, fighting for the ones you love, giving everything for people you don't even know. There is so much that we could learn from these books and we don't even know it.

Too bad I think I'm a muggle. Ah well. At least I've got the books.

Bored = Bankrupt

Ew, is it like a pre-requisite for men around me to be FUCKING CREEPS?! This one friggin' creepo was starring at me for like an hour during the First Aid/CPR training course I just took. EW. I did NOT pay $75 to get stared at like a piece of meat. I could kick his ass. GROSS.

I'm feeling a little......I guess the word is lost lately. I'm not too sure what is wrong with me, but I hope I snap out of it soon. One minute I will be perfectly fine and happy and jumping around, the next I will be like, "get the F away from me." I don't understand it. Could be because I'm having some SERIOUS nerves about my interview on Wednesday for the personal trainer job at GoodLife, or could be because I'm just a tool. Whichever. UGH, there's also this one girl that I just want to smack everytime I see her. It's really annoying. But SHE'S SO ANNOYING AND STUPID! And I swear to GOD, if she giggles and flips her hair ONE MORE TIME I will snap. I fucking hate girls like that. And if she tans anymore she will officially be a nice shade of tangerine. EW.

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit lonely too. I enjoy being alone, but sometimes it's hard too. I think I might feel a little bit less stressed out if I actually get the job at GoodLife too, because a lot of what is worrying me is not being able to find/afford a relatively nice apartment. I refuse to lower my standards. I do NOT want to have to deal with centipedes. EW. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I spent too much money shopping today. I was bored and feeling kinda alone so I went to the mall.....and bought shoes and a shirt and another shirt. All of which I didn't need. But the shoes MAY just be the love of my life. They are Diesel running shoes and quite pretty and comfy and amazing. AND they were on sale for like $40 off. So I guess I was saving money?! I also bought a blender of all things. Odd I know. But I think I'm going to start making protein shakes. I made one this morning....but I forgot to put ice in it.....so it was a weird texture, hahahaha.

I am SERIOUSLY contemplating getting a tattoo. I used to want one SOOOOOOO bad, but then decided it wouldn't be cool. But now I want one again. I want it on the back of my neck, in white ink and to say "Love" or "Live" in a cool writing. I am currently researching cool fonts and stuff online. This is serious. hahahahaha. Don't tell my mom.

EW. I've been a cow this weekend. It is BAD. I haven't been to the gym and have been eating WHATEVER the fuck I want. McDonald's yesterday, then ice cream, then tonnes of chocolate peanut butter stuff today and MORE ice cream. I can actually feel myself becoming bloated and nasty looking. Lovely. And it isn't such a secret why I don't have a boyfriend or anyone interested. hahahaha, oh I should stop pretending that I care, because I honestly don't. I've come to the conclusion that all boys are douchebags and not worth my time.