I'm losing perspective.
I can't see clearly anymore.
It's all hazy.
How can I see through the fog and find my way?
I've forgotten which way I want to go.
I'm lost and I can't remember.
Why did I choose this path?
God, help me find my way.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Hey It's OK...
The thing I love most about the magazine Glamour is the page "Hey It's Ok...". I always find something on that page that sometimes I feel guilty about, but it's ok to do. So I present to you, the list of things that you may feel guilty or bad about....but really, it's ok.
Hey, it's OK...
to love candy-canes, mushy Christmas movies and all that other shamelessly seasonal stuff
if you're usually the one who goes in first for a hug
never to have spent the night in a hostel, a tent or an older man's bed. No one ever said you had to be worldly to be happy.
to read three horoscopes, but only one newspaper
to know 100 stress-reduction techniques but still think that slamming the door beats them all
not to go outside all weekend. The world WILL go on without you
not to have settled on a hair colour yet. You've got the rest of your life to sort it out
to hold on to a bunch of bad habits
to get genuinely depressed when your favourite team loses
to consider riding on a swing a form of cardio
to be terrified of spiders. Save your fearlessness for the stuff that matters
to choose the colour before the car model
to want your mom when the going gets tough
if you can't help checking yourself out in all semi-reflective surfaces (cabs, windows, shiny office buildings, ponds)
to argue with him on the first date
to want sex more often than he does. MUCH more often
to turn down the more prestigious job you 'should' take and keep the one you love
if you do not, in fact, want to be the next Martha
to walk by a full-length mirror and think, "hot!"
to find it hard to tell your best friend how much you love her
if you could care less about thread count
to use a different voice when you talk to your pets. That said, very few other humans should EVER hear this voice
if you're one of those people who actually like the holidays. When did we all get so cynical, anyways?
to have a healthy fear of eyelash curlers
to cry in public
to only really look at the pictures that you're in
to know, and tell the whole world EXACTLY what you want for the holidays
not to get it right on the first, second, third or even fourth try
to block out a day to do absolutely nothing, with absolutely no one. It's like deep conditioning for the soul
if you don't tell anyone that the flowers you got are from your mom
to give up on the wine list and just order a beer
to quit worrying about the last five pounds. No one else knows that they exist
not to delete your ex from your cell phone. Just for now
not to argue when someone offers to pick up the check
if you run out of good advice. Most of the time people just want you to listen anyways
to do that annoying Bridget Jones thing and watch him sleep. Just don't get caught, it is a little creepy
to get a secret thrill when you see a celebrity with frown lines
to have some of your deepest, most heartfelt conversations with your dog
not to share your dessert
to pick your doctor because a) he's good, and b) he looks a little like Patrick Dempsey
not to know exactly why you're crying
if you prefer sex with the lights off. You can be proud of your body and still like doing it in the dark
to stop trying to figure out what he meant and just ask
to read his horoscope before yours
not to be a skim milk, dressing on the side, hold the bacon kind of girl
if the only place you've ever had sex is a bedroom
if you're not a cat person...OR a dog person
to get kind of pissed at him for something he did to you in a dream
to be completely truthful about how someone's butt looks in their jeans
not to tell him that you stopped being mad an hour ago
if you're never going to be one of those women who saunter happily around the gym locker room naked
if you're still not sure what your best colour is
to throw out all of your underwear and start over
Hey, it's OK...
to love candy-canes, mushy Christmas movies and all that other shamelessly seasonal stuff
if you're usually the one who goes in first for a hug
never to have spent the night in a hostel, a tent or an older man's bed. No one ever said you had to be worldly to be happy.
to read three horoscopes, but only one newspaper
to know 100 stress-reduction techniques but still think that slamming the door beats them all
not to go outside all weekend. The world WILL go on without you
not to have settled on a hair colour yet. You've got the rest of your life to sort it out
to hold on to a bunch of bad habits
to get genuinely depressed when your favourite team loses
to consider riding on a swing a form of cardio
to be terrified of spiders. Save your fearlessness for the stuff that matters
to choose the colour before the car model
to want your mom when the going gets tough
if you can't help checking yourself out in all semi-reflective surfaces (cabs, windows, shiny office buildings, ponds)
to argue with him on the first date
to want sex more often than he does. MUCH more often
to turn down the more prestigious job you 'should' take and keep the one you love
if you do not, in fact, want to be the next Martha
to walk by a full-length mirror and think, "hot!"
to find it hard to tell your best friend how much you love her
if you could care less about thread count
to use a different voice when you talk to your pets. That said, very few other humans should EVER hear this voice
if you're one of those people who actually like the holidays. When did we all get so cynical, anyways?
to have a healthy fear of eyelash curlers
to cry in public
to only really look at the pictures that you're in
to know, and tell the whole world EXACTLY what you want for the holidays
not to get it right on the first, second, third or even fourth try
to block out a day to do absolutely nothing, with absolutely no one. It's like deep conditioning for the soul
if you don't tell anyone that the flowers you got are from your mom
to give up on the wine list and just order a beer
to quit worrying about the last five pounds. No one else knows that they exist
not to delete your ex from your cell phone. Just for now
not to argue when someone offers to pick up the check
if you run out of good advice. Most of the time people just want you to listen anyways
to do that annoying Bridget Jones thing and watch him sleep. Just don't get caught, it is a little creepy
to get a secret thrill when you see a celebrity with frown lines
to have some of your deepest, most heartfelt conversations with your dog
not to share your dessert
to pick your doctor because a) he's good, and b) he looks a little like Patrick Dempsey
not to know exactly why you're crying
if you prefer sex with the lights off. You can be proud of your body and still like doing it in the dark
to stop trying to figure out what he meant and just ask
to read his horoscope before yours
not to be a skim milk, dressing on the side, hold the bacon kind of girl
if the only place you've ever had sex is a bedroom
if you're not a cat person...OR a dog person
to get kind of pissed at him for something he did to you in a dream
to be completely truthful about how someone's butt looks in their jeans
not to tell him that you stopped being mad an hour ago
if you're never going to be one of those women who saunter happily around the gym locker room naked
if you're still not sure what your best colour is
to throw out all of your underwear and start over
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
One Ticket to Paradise
Please let me escape from this.
I don't want these doubts and expectations anymore.
Take me away from here.
Take me away to a place where I can be myself.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Lest We Forget
In Flanders Field the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields
I pray that mankind is not doomed to repeat the mistakes that we've made.
I hope that one day we can learn from history and not just study it.
I wish that there was tolerance for all religions, and that I wasn't forced to say 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'.
I WILL learn from my mistakes. One day. Maybe not today, but one day I will.
Lest We Forget
Monday, November 06, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
My Rant for the Day...
I hate being told what to do all the time. And I'm so sick of being guilt-tripped into doing things that I don't want to do. There's a reason I don't want to do it and no, you are NOT entitled to know that reason. It's my business. Get out of it.
I am feeling constrained. I get like this every once in awhile. I feel like I need to scream and run and just let everything out. My frustration is making me anxious, worried and extremely bitchy.
People are annoying me WAY more than usual. The eye-rolling has reached a pinnacle. My friend said something so incredibly STUPID the other day that I just had to walk away in order to not yell, "are you fucking serious?" at her. I honestly just don't understand how people can be so stupid sometimes. It baffles me. Does nobody have ANY common sense anymore?
I am tired of people assuming that they know me. Thinking that they can just know all my secrets, my likes and dislikes and they somehow magically know me. You don't. You probably never will.
Stop treating me like a child. When I want to be cuddled and babied, I will let you know. You may then treat me like a child.
Sometimes I just want to grab you and yell. Make you see how ridiculous you are being. Because you ARE ridiculous sometimes. It breaks my heart that you think that and that they made you think that. They are ridiculous too. They definitely need to get over themselves.
I am so tired of my own insecurities. I am tired of looking in the mirror and hating everything I see. I'm sick of hating my body, I'm sick of it. Yet I cannot accept my body for what it is. I am tired of hating myself.
I actually think that I hate you. I need to let that go otherwise it will eat me up inside.
I'm tired of the secrets, the lies and the competition. I don't care if you hate me. I don't like you that much either. Don't pretend to be my friend when you're actually telling me lies.
It's not you that I don't trust. It's them.
I don't want anymore expectations. I am tired of being disappointed and letting down others. Don't tell me you can do something when you can't. Please don't lie to me anymore, my heart can't take it.
I just want to scream.
I am feeling constrained. I get like this every once in awhile. I feel like I need to scream and run and just let everything out. My frustration is making me anxious, worried and extremely bitchy.
People are annoying me WAY more than usual. The eye-rolling has reached a pinnacle. My friend said something so incredibly STUPID the other day that I just had to walk away in order to not yell, "are you fucking serious?" at her. I honestly just don't understand how people can be so stupid sometimes. It baffles me. Does nobody have ANY common sense anymore?
I am tired of people assuming that they know me. Thinking that they can just know all my secrets, my likes and dislikes and they somehow magically know me. You don't. You probably never will.
Stop treating me like a child. When I want to be cuddled and babied, I will let you know. You may then treat me like a child.
Sometimes I just want to grab you and yell. Make you see how ridiculous you are being. Because you ARE ridiculous sometimes. It breaks my heart that you think that and that they made you think that. They are ridiculous too. They definitely need to get over themselves.
I am so tired of my own insecurities. I am tired of looking in the mirror and hating everything I see. I'm sick of hating my body, I'm sick of it. Yet I cannot accept my body for what it is. I am tired of hating myself.
I actually think that I hate you. I need to let that go otherwise it will eat me up inside.
I'm tired of the secrets, the lies and the competition. I don't care if you hate me. I don't like you that much either. Don't pretend to be my friend when you're actually telling me lies.
It's not you that I don't trust. It's them.
I don't want anymore expectations. I am tired of being disappointed and letting down others. Don't tell me you can do something when you can't. Please don't lie to me anymore, my heart can't take it.
I just want to scream.
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