Friend Making 101

BOO. I am going through one of those phases today where I'm all like mopey and depressed and annoying myself. UGH. I hate days like this when you look in the mirror and no matter what the logical side of your brain is telling you, all you can think is, "EW, that's disgusting" (refering to yourself of course). BLAH!

Of course the fact that I haven't been to the gym since Saturday could be contributing to that feeling, but I've been lazy/busy. Mostly lazy. I so could have gone yesterday, but went shopping instead, ah well. Gonna work it out tomorrow. Then hopefully this gross/ugly/depressing feeling will go away.

Also feeling super lazy and do not want to pack up all of my stuff to move back to Guelph tomorrow. I'm not too excited about that, seeing as I JUST got everything unpacked. And there is a box of shit in my room that I have to go through. I hate moving around, I like feeling settled. And also I thought I'd be more excited about moving back, but I'm not really feeling it so much right now, who knows why. Maybe it's the depressed, gross feeling seeping into other areas of my life. Also realized that I have like no friends up in Guelph right now, so it's going to be pretty boring. Ah well, guess I will have to learn how to make new friends........how do you do that?

mmmm I can smell the pretentiousness in the air

I'm losing my mind a little bit more everyday that I am in Oakville. I don't know why I am hating it so much right now, usually I love the pretentious snottiness of the place when it's in all its glory, but lately I am loathing it.

It kind of feels like I am suffocating and just can't get out....but that could just be the heat. It's funny how my parents aren't even that overbearing and "do this with your life instead of this", but I feel like they are. They were being all "let's give advice to the university grad on what she should do with her life" earlier when I first moved back, but then I told them I was moving to Guelph no matter what they said and they shut up and realized it was true. My dad keeps making suggestions for me to keep living at home and I just keep saying no. I know that I am their only daughter and they love me so they want me to stay, but I just feel like in order to move forward in life I have to move out. There is something stagnant about this place for me, it makes me really unproductive.

The wise thing to do this summer would have been to work at the bank or get a job in Oakville while living at home to save money. But I have never done the wise thing, I always just do what I want at the time and tend to plan that way. whatever. Maybe in a few months I will realize the stupidity of my mistake and learn the consequences of having no money and will move back to Oakville and beg for a job somewhere, but I doubt it. I am one of those people that doesn't mind being alone and kind of likes it. A loser? loner.....who knows. I'm not too sure I can live with someone ever again. I enjoy my space and I don't feel like I'm getting it.

I think I will go to the driving range later. I feel like I need more physical activity in the forms of a sport in my life. Plus there are no driving ranges that I know of in Guelph so I gotta get my fix before I go.

HAHAHA BUH BYE SRI LANKANS!

1) I. AM. DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEE YOU IN HELL SUCKERS! I finished at the bank FOREVER! THAT'S RIGHT! I am never going back there, EVER, and you can't make me! I am so glad that it's over and done with! I fuckin HATE that place. I hate traveling on the train to work, walking up Bay street, going down FOUR STOREYS underground and sitting in a place that makes me feel like I'm on an airplane all day with gross recirculated air. It makes my skin disgusting and I feel depressed and useless in life when I'm there. Although they did give me samosas yesterday, which was pretty awesome.

2) I just ate half of a huge Rolo caramel filled egg. It was disgusting and so satisfying at the same time. I have been having MASSIVE chocolate cravings and just cravings in general. I hate it. It's so gross how you cannot control it. Well, I cannot control it. I have no willpower or self-control. I am weak. And it is sad. I must now go to the gym and do like four hours of cardio to burn off the calories from that stupid fucking egg.

3) I've been looking at apartments online for in Guelph. I can't believe they want $600 a month for a bachelor! WTF!? hahaha, I am clearly new at this whole renting thing. I fucking hate renting. It's such a waste of money. But how else am I supposed to live? On the street? I could live with a roommate again (a stranger mind you) and save money......but do I really feel like sharing a bathroom with a total stranger? I don't know. We'll see how I feel in July or so, I could feel differently about blowing my hard-earned cash on rent just because I don't want to share a bathroom and kitchen.

4) I have realized that living in Oakville makes me fat. No joke. It's because my mom stockpiles all of this stuff like cookies, chocolate bars, chips, popcorn, etc that I don't even bother buying in Guelph because I can't afford it. Plus I tend to be bored a lot more in Oakville because I don't have Melissa or Austin to entertain me. My parents tend to rely on me for entertainment and my cats just lie there and look cute.

5) I really don't like the Goodlife in Oakville. It is in a basement and there isn't really a flow to the set-up, and no real space to do free weight workouts in. Also all of the people who work there and train there are snobby, stuck-up, pretentious ass holes. The girls give me evil eyes, the trainers have this look like, "I am so much better than you because I'm a trainer" and then there's me that just goes around and I do my thing and ignore everyone. Maybe they are all jealous of my sweet ass. Who knows. Apparently sweating at the gym is "gross" as I heard one girl put it. If you're not going to sweat why are you even there?!?!??! Seriously the girl said to her friend, "Ew, that girl is actually sweating! Gross!" What the fuck is wrong with people these days?!

6) It is FUCKING HOT in my room. Like absolutely ridiculous. My dad won't turn on the air conditioning because it's supposed to go down again over the weekend, so he just won't turn it on. WTF?! Not that my room gets any air circulation anyways. Ah well, I suppose I should get used to living without a/c....I won't be able to afford it when I move to Guelph.

7) Two of my light bulbs have burnt out and I am WAY too lazy to replace them. There are these lightbulbs that you can use that are better for the environment, and if you replace just one bulb in your house it's like taking 5 cars off the road or something. Who knows. I saw it on Ellen when I was being a bum last week. I think I'm going to try and find those. I figure I should do something seeing as I am probably solely responsible for the earth's water shortage from the length of my showers.

8) I am now going to the snotty gym to work off my Rolo egg.

National Break-Up Week

This has been the most random insane week ever. It's like break-up season or something, first me and Tony and then, oddly enough, Melissa and Steve. Which is insane because I was like 500% positive that they were going to get married. So was she, so she's pretty much completely and totally heartbroken. If I ever see Steve again, I will KILL him.

I got the job at Exclusively Women's Fitness.....get this, as a Fitness Consultant HAHAHAHA. I actually lecture people about fitness and nutrition. HILARIOUS. I wish they paid me more, but I gotta start somewhere. And if I decide to get certified for personal training they will help pay for part of it. So we'll see how it goes. I had to give two weeks notice at the bank, and I was kinda scared to do it. My boss can be scary sometimes, but she was totally cool and all like, "oh you don't even need to give two weeks" but I need the money and my other job doesn't start until June 5th, so I'm going in. Let's hope I can find somewhere to live on my seriously limited income, and that my Dad sucks it up and let's me keep the car without blowing it to the insurance company, otherwise it's -$3000 a year for Jaime. Not cool.

I have a serious crush on my personal trainer, Chris. He, of course, has an amazing body.....I almost swooned today when I saw him without his shirt on. He asked for my number...not going to lie, I gave it to him. It may be too soon after a relationship, but I think it would be kind of fun to go on a date. I don't think I've ever REALLY been on a date where you meet at a prearranged place and time, just the two of you and aren't already boyfriend and girlfriend. How sad is that. I clearly lead a boring, mundane existence. Anyways, he's a bit older......and by a bit I'm guessing he's around 37. Ah well. The abs are totally hot.

I'm LOVING the Stones vs. Beatles weekend on Q107. It brings a highlight to my sad, pathetic life.

Visited the old high school this week too. It was quite the trip. My grade seven homeroom teacher is retiring so I talked to her for awhile, and got to chat with Miss Renwick (who is SO awesome), and Mr. Schreiner...who wasn't even my teacher and somehow remembers me. He says it's because I was so loud and always interrupted his class. I'd believe it. Something about that place makes me and Tina start to scream and jump around and be loud. I'm SO sending my kids there if I have girls. Although it will probably cost like $30,000 a year or something ridiculous like that. Who knows.

I love pizza.

fugly

Ugh. I had high expectations for yesterday, and it SO didn't pan out. I hate it when that happens. It makes me all depressed and like, "Why me? Why didn't this happen?" and I hate getting all whiny and baby-ish like that. Boo. I'm so not cool right now because I'm all mopey and wondering what happened to my high-expectations day. I think I need to start getting more sleep because I've kind of been like this for two days now, and it's definitely not from 'female problems' so I wonder what's wrong with me. I'm actually annoying the crap out of myself.

I think it's kind of because they didn't immediately offer me a job after I did that stupid gym tour, so now I'm all questioning my self-worth and confidence. I hate it when something so small can just totally zap away all the fake confidence that you've built up. But she said they'd call me on Friday, so I'm still really hoping that I get the job because I want it so bad. But maybe I want it TOO bad and just looked kind of desperate...who knows.

I have just that UGHHHHHH feeling where you feel so fat and fugly and disgusting and lack all self-confidence. Also, haven't been feeling too good for the past couple of days, maybe have a stomach thing. Who knows.

I'm going to the gym. They say endorphins make you happy...so let's see if that theory is right.

Could possibly be the love of my life...

1) I bought booty jean shorts. I felt it was time to break out the new legs to the world. I am feeling quite proud of them and how muscular they look. Maybe if you're lucky I will post a picture of me wearing them......only if you're lucky though.

2) I'm in the process of being interviewed for a job at Exclusively Women's Fitness Club in Guelph. I seriously hope that I get it because I want to move out of my parent's house. I suppose I could move out anyways, but it just makes no sense if I have to keep the job at the bank. Which I hope that I don't. This place has a series of THREE interviews.....insane. I have to memorize an advertising thing about a tour and then give the tour to someone. I am freaked. I think that if I do pretty well on this that I will get the job though.

3) TiVo may be the love of my life. It's awesome. You can just record something, watch it whenever and fast forward through the commercials. It's amazing.

4) It's weird that I get cravings for the couple of days after my period. Like, I don't understand...shouldn't it be before? Usually before I tend to just burst into tears at the slightest emotional twinge. It's annoying as shit. But not as annoying as cravings a Wendy's Bacon Cheeseburger while I'm on the Special K diet.

5) My hair is ridiculously blonde. Like when she was drying it I was kind of like, "ok....that's not so bad...I like it........oh...it's still almost completely wet?" Like holy mother fucker. I'm still trying to decide whether I like it or not. I'm afraid that I am going to look like one of those incredibly fake blonde girls where their hair is actually a light shade of green because they've highlighted it so much. I will post pictures.

6) I am slowly developing a shoe fetish. It is scary and sad. I have found this new love for footwear that I never had before. I kind of feel like I'm cheating on the rest of my wardrobe with shoes, and whenever I bring home another shoebox I get the evil eye from my favourite jeans. Who knows. Is it sad that I think clothes have feelings? I love my clothes too much.

7) Did I mention that I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want that job? My parents are starting to drive me more insane...if that is even possible. And I have just been informed by Melissa that it is not possible for me to be more insane. But they keep casually suggesting career possibilities for me that have absolutely nothing to do with ANYTHING that interests me. Not cool.

8) Vanilla Girl Guide Cookies are so awesome. And are SO going to make me fat.

i love travel.

I WANT THESE UNDERWEAR!!!!! And the matching bra....but they are too expensive. Damn you Victoria's Secret. I am now completely obsessed with it.

I think that working my ass off for my bikini body was worth it. Got a lot more work to do, but this picture is kind of inspiring to me.

The remants of the most massive sundae ever. So good. I think I may have gone into hyperglycemic shock.
First bite of NYC pizza.....heaven.

Trips are awesome. I love traveling. Went everywhere I wanted to in NYC and bought a fabulous dress and some awesome shoes.