Freedom is not an easy thing to come by.

For the first time in my life I am completely and totally alone.

I've never been more petrified.

Or felt more free.

*giggle*

You are ridiculously confusing.

This photo makes me laugh because I am sooooooooo drunk. And I made Jeff giggle.

Apparently car dealerships/parts and service places are the most retardedly slow places EVER. And have the stupidest people working in them. I didn't know that an oil/lube/filter took 14 hours! Maybe I just don't know much about cars.
I feel like a fat disgusting gross obese cow.
I really think I need to work on my self-confidence.
The Spice Girls concert was the best night ever. Highlight of my YEAR...........nay, my LIFE!

really, quite pathetically sad.

I want to scream.

Or punch a wall. Or punch someone.

No...I want to punch you.

Quite badly.

You are either completely retarded and oblivious or the biggest asshole alive. I can't decide which I want you to be either.
There are only so many times a girl can be rejected or given the same story. You can only play so many games before I say enough is enough.

You have no idea what you want and yet you say that I am the one who doesn't. You say I'm confused, but you are confusing. I don't know if you mean to mess with my head or not, but you are. And I am very close to snapping.

It's my own fault really. I never should have gotten involved, and now I don't have the willpower or strength to break away. I don't respond to anyone else that way I respond to you. No one else can make me so mad that I practically have steam coming out my ears, or laugh so hard I cry, or make me feel the way you do when you smile at me, or make my skin tingle...I can feel where you touched me long after you did.

This is not good. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. I don't even know how I let this happen.

How sad is it that I just want you?

it starts in my nose...

I am in love with those tights. They are possibly the best fashion decision I've made in 2008 so far. Thanks for them in my stocking mom!

I am confused. Very confused. Things have only gotten more confusing and not less confusing. I hate that. I didn't know it was possible for things to get more confusing. And why are boys ALWAYS at the root of the confusion? WHY? Do they know that they're this confusing? Is this FUN for them...because it's not fucking funny. I'm caught inbetween. Everything is telling me one way and I want to go another. Both ways are confusing. Can't people just be straight and honest? Do I not at least deserve that?
I shouldn't really be talking about honesty anyways. White lies, confusion, deception have almost become routine. But everyone has to have a little fun once in awhile............and some secrets. We all know how bad I am at keeping secrets though. This may be taking its toll on me. Possibly more than I know, but will find out in the long run.

It's Jan 8th and I'm already sick. This does not bode well for 2008. Ringing in the New Year was a blast, but being sick from Jan 2nd on isn't a good sign. 2008 is going to be a good year. I want it to be, so it will be. 2007 was full of lots of change, travelling, moving, decisions and, for lack of a better word, scariness. It was a good year, but kind of blew at the same time. Does that even make sense? I want 2008 to be better. I want to be better. I want to be a better friend, a better employee, a better trainer, a better daughter....a better person really.

Now how do I go about doing that?

guaranteed to blow your mind.

I am slightly regret-ful. Is that even a word? I doubt it. I can't get my head on straight and it's really freaking annoying. Like I can see reason, but I can't make myself believe it. I want to live in my fantasy world where you may like me, but I know you can't/won't/don't.

I know myself well enough to know that I can't have that. I want/deserve more.

And what about you? You can never find out about my regret. I don't want to blow it. But I want to be wanted. I like that. Who doesn't like that?

You shocked me and I'm still reeling. How come you won't look me in the eye?

I can't decide. And it's driving me insane. I don't want to think/talk about it anymore. Just make my decision for me.

you think you know...

Sweet........I think he wants me too! *fist pump* go Jaime go.
oops....probably not the best decision. Secret #2. *shhhhhhhh*
And no........I'll never tell.

lovestoned

I'm being super narcisstic today and posting tonnes of pictures. I got bored and went on a mini-photo shoot. That's what happens when you have a "lazy weekend" and just do nothing.
I actually took some semi-nude shots...but am too shy to put them up. When they look as hot as Lois' semi-nude pics then I will put them up....until then....this is what you get.

There is a guy. He's cute. I want him. Hopefully he wants me too. Guess we'll find out....

I was super impressed with myself that I could finally do french braids. They fell out after like four hours....but STILL, they were there!


I need a tan. I am a fucking ghost. It's not hot. Not hot at all. How will I attract said boy if I am transparent?

curves in all the right places

Killing time before Zeppelinesque set starts. We are just that cool. The hand that you see in the left side of the pic belongs to the world's largest prick, douchebag, arsehole EVER.
He tried to lecture us about DNA structure and the importance of genetics...........now technically I am a molecular biologist according to my Honours degree in MOLECULAR BIOLOGY AND GENETICS YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You are sitting there, in your fifth year of your PHILOSOPHY major, trying to lecture me and tell me that the structure of nucleotides in DNA HAS to be predetermined because of all this shit blah blah blah I stopped listening to you after like 20 seconds because you're such a fucktard. Go fuck yourself, I HATE YOU.
We are so fucking cool that we did a crossword puzzle in a bar while waiting for the Led Zeppelin tribute band to come on. Wish I'd gotten pictures of the lead singer in the wig......it was hilariously awesome.
*SIGH* right now I am being a loser sitting around eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate while my friend gets laid. Good for her.......bad for me.
I will be all fat and bloated and pimply and disgusting by tomorrow. That will turn on the guys. M-e-OW. They wont' know what hit them when I walk in with my unwashed/unbrushed greasy hair, pimples and sweatpants. Damn, that is sexy just thinking about it.

Sometimes my preppy, loserness astounds even me. It just comes so naturally....I look like a Ralph Lauren ad most of the time.....but without the skinny body, perfect hair and hot guy standing beside me.

Read an article in Glamour earlier about how to appreciate sex this woman had to sleep with a nerd. And that she now feels more appreciated because the nerd (for lack of better description of the guy) worships her. Now....this guy isn't a nerd. He is hot, and just because he's smart and enjoys reading does NOT make him a nerd. Stop fooling yourself, you slept with the hot, smart, bookworm guy. A REAL nerd watches Star Trek, knows the distance inbetween the planets mentioned in Star Wars and has never seen or touched a breast before. Those nerds are creepy as hell and not hot.....and definitely do not know how to have decent sex. Slept with the nerd my ass.......moron.
Download the song "Big Girls (You Are Beautiful)" by Mika immediately, if not sooner. It is awesome. Not even for "big girls", it is just all sorts of awesomeness.
I'm obsessed with Raymi's blog. It's awesome. Wish I had her sense of style and 'cool'-ness. If I met her I'd probably faint and be a loser.

i can't wait much longer

I am fucking BORED. So I took lots of pictures of myself. Love how because I gained a bit of weight my boobs are huge and popping out of the f'ing shirt. It will be gone soon....the weight that is. Not the shirt.
Zebra print belt. Best fucking belt I've EVER owned. I love it. And oddly enough it's from the Gap. They can have some pretty awesome stuff sometimes!
Disco ball in my room. It's like a party...all the fucking time. Rock on bitches.
FINALLY got some clients at work. Very exciting. My one client is a 16 year old Icelandic girl. She is very adorable and reminds me of an eskimo and tells me how awesome I am all the time. No joke. She is cute and obviously my favourite client because she tells me how good I am. hahaha.
Went on a mild shopping spree this weekend. Bought this vest from Aritzia because I've been wanting it for like a year. Not going to lie, the big allure of it is the pom-poms.

I mean come on....there are fucking pom-poms on the vest!!! Also bought like three shirts from American Eagle and a sweatshirt from Aritzia. Like I needed them. I definitely needed the money more. Ah well.

Swinging the pom-poms. I am THAT awesome. Jokes all around.
I feel like having one of those random dance parties in your house where you get soooo hyper and just can't help dancing. But I will not do that in front of my new roomies because they'd think I was insane. I miss Melissa for this sort of thing.

WHERE ARE YOU MY LOVE?!?!?!?!?!

*le sigh*

Do I ALWAYS want what I can't have? It's always back to you. I don't get it. I can't understand my thoughts or what I want. Am I realizing something...or trying to fool myself into feeling something because I think I should feel that way? Old....new........I just don't get it.





I feeling fucking disgusting lately. I've gained a bit of weight and I just feel nasty. Better work on that.



This format of the MTV MVAs is driving me nuts. They keep showing all these other parties and live performances and stuff....it's really annoying. And I'm fucking pissed that I missed Britney Spears' performance. Anyone see it? Was she decent or awful? I almost want her to be awful, but I'm slightly rooting for her as well.



Is there some sort of vibe that people give off when they dont' want to date anyone and then people won't stop bugging them. Like seriously, fuck off. When I've said that I'm too busy about ten times you'd think someone would get the hint.



I bought pink boxing gloves today. I'm super excited to not have to wear the disgusting smelly ones in the basement of GoodLife now. They smell so gross and the inside is all torn up so there is little white fluffs all over my hands when I take them off. Nasty.



FUCK. I don't get it.