curves in all the right places

Killing time before Zeppelinesque set starts. We are just that cool. The hand that you see in the left side of the pic belongs to the world's largest prick, douchebag, arsehole EVER.
He tried to lecture us about DNA structure and the importance of genetics...........now technically I am a molecular biologist according to my Honours degree in MOLECULAR BIOLOGY AND GENETICS YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You are sitting there, in your fifth year of your PHILOSOPHY major, trying to lecture me and tell me that the structure of nucleotides in DNA HAS to be predetermined because of all this shit blah blah blah I stopped listening to you after like 20 seconds because you're such a fucktard. Go fuck yourself, I HATE YOU.
We are so fucking cool that we did a crossword puzzle in a bar while waiting for the Led Zeppelin tribute band to come on. Wish I'd gotten pictures of the lead singer in the wig......it was hilariously awesome.
*SIGH* right now I am being a loser sitting around eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate while my friend gets laid. Good for her.......bad for me.
I will be all fat and bloated and pimply and disgusting by tomorrow. That will turn on the guys. M-e-OW. They wont' know what hit them when I walk in with my unwashed/unbrushed greasy hair, pimples and sweatpants. Damn, that is sexy just thinking about it.

Sometimes my preppy, loserness astounds even me. It just comes so naturally....I look like a Ralph Lauren ad most of the time.....but without the skinny body, perfect hair and hot guy standing beside me.

Read an article in Glamour earlier about how to appreciate sex this woman had to sleep with a nerd. And that she now feels more appreciated because the nerd (for lack of better description of the guy) worships her. Now....this guy isn't a nerd. He is hot, and just because he's smart and enjoys reading does NOT make him a nerd. Stop fooling yourself, you slept with the hot, smart, bookworm guy. A REAL nerd watches Star Trek, knows the distance inbetween the planets mentioned in Star Wars and has never seen or touched a breast before. Those nerds are creepy as hell and not hot.....and definitely do not know how to have decent sex. Slept with the nerd my ass.......moron.
Download the song "Big Girls (You Are Beautiful)" by Mika immediately, if not sooner. It is awesome. Not even for "big girls", it is just all sorts of awesomeness.
I'm obsessed with Raymi's blog. It's awesome. Wish I had her sense of style and 'cool'-ness. If I met her I'd probably faint and be a loser.

i can't wait much longer

I am fucking BORED. So I took lots of pictures of myself. Love how because I gained a bit of weight my boobs are huge and popping out of the f'ing shirt. It will be gone soon....the weight that is. Not the shirt.
Zebra print belt. Best fucking belt I've EVER owned. I love it. And oddly enough it's from the Gap. They can have some pretty awesome stuff sometimes!
Disco ball in my room. It's like a party...all the fucking time. Rock on bitches.
FINALLY got some clients at work. Very exciting. My one client is a 16 year old Icelandic girl. She is very adorable and reminds me of an eskimo and tells me how awesome I am all the time. No joke. She is cute and obviously my favourite client because she tells me how good I am. hahaha.
Went on a mild shopping spree this weekend. Bought this vest from Aritzia because I've been wanting it for like a year. Not going to lie, the big allure of it is the pom-poms.

I mean come on....there are fucking pom-poms on the vest!!! Also bought like three shirts from American Eagle and a sweatshirt from Aritzia. Like I needed them. I definitely needed the money more. Ah well.

Swinging the pom-poms. I am THAT awesome. Jokes all around.
I feel like having one of those random dance parties in your house where you get soooo hyper and just can't help dancing. But I will not do that in front of my new roomies because they'd think I was insane. I miss Melissa for this sort of thing.

WHERE ARE YOU MY LOVE?!?!?!?!?!

*le sigh*

Do I ALWAYS want what I can't have? It's always back to you. I don't get it. I can't understand my thoughts or what I want. Am I realizing something...or trying to fool myself into feeling something because I think I should feel that way? Old....new........I just don't get it.





I feeling fucking disgusting lately. I've gained a bit of weight and I just feel nasty. Better work on that.



This format of the MTV MVAs is driving me nuts. They keep showing all these other parties and live performances and stuff....it's really annoying. And I'm fucking pissed that I missed Britney Spears' performance. Anyone see it? Was she decent or awful? I almost want her to be awful, but I'm slightly rooting for her as well.



Is there some sort of vibe that people give off when they dont' want to date anyone and then people won't stop bugging them. Like seriously, fuck off. When I've said that I'm too busy about ten times you'd think someone would get the hint.



I bought pink boxing gloves today. I'm super excited to not have to wear the disgusting smelly ones in the basement of GoodLife now. They smell so gross and the inside is all torn up so there is little white fluffs all over my hands when I take them off. Nasty.



FUCK. I don't get it.

you know I'll take you there.

It's like I'm so stressed over nothing that every emotion is just building up inside me and wanting to get out. Do I scream in frustration? Or cry? Punch someone in the face? Laugh hysterically? I can't decide. It's all there. This is a long hard week and something is going to have to give.
I haven't been sleeping very well lately and have been working pretty long hours. I also have to pack up my room, paint my new room, move all my stuff, buy new furniture, say good-bye to my roommate of the past three years......all while learning a new job and getting chirped on all day by a bunch of guys. I mean I know most of it is all fun and games, but there is only so much one person can take. Doesn't help that I am MAJORLY PMS-ing.
Not to mention the fact that I feel absolutely disgusting lately. I feel very aware of my body and everything about it and what other people can see. I had to have my body composition taken today as part of my training and I just felt so embarassed and self-conscious throughout the entire thing. I have no idea why I did either because I've had it done before and by a guy, but it just felt humiliating today. I'm just in a total slump this past week and I need to snap out of it.

"Oh....um....crap, she's not here right now, can I take a message?"

1. So I started my new job at GoodLife, it's going pretty well so far. Lots of reading and getting trained, which is kind of slow, but it's a good environment to be in. Everyone is super encouraging and nice....except when they pick on me. haha, love how everyone is super nice to Kristen (the other new trainer) and picks on me because they already know me. Way to make me feel welcome guys....awesome. It's really weird to be at work and have guys there now. Some of the members are SMOKIN' hot though. It's hard not to stare sometimes. hahahaha.

2. Spent the weekend in Wasaga with the high school girlies for Jenny's birthday, and it was insanity. The guys there are on another level of creepiness. They just walk right up to you and try to kiss you or put their hand up your skirt. Way to make me swoon guys. You know JUST what to do.

3. I'm having a seriously hard time finding an apartment. Everything is either too expensive or too crappy or living with a weirdo. I don't mind paying a LITTLE extra, but seriously, $800 a month for a basement apartment....get real. I may have to live out of my van..........I don't think I'd survive a week. haha

4. Ok, so usually when guys ask me for my number at a bar, rather than just saying no (unless they are super creepy or a huge jerk) I will give them a wrong number. Then I don't have to be a HUGE bitch and say no or deal with their call a few days later. But in Wasaga this weekend I was super drunk and actually gave out my REAL number. I was avoiding answering the phone for like five days and then was like, "Oh you're being an idiot, guys never ACTUALLY call girls that they try to pick up in a bar." Low and behold, the next time I picked up the phone it was the guy from Wasaga (who is the guy in the cowboy hat in the picture above). SERIOUSLY?! Who the hell knew guys ACTUALLY called!? Because I thought that they just never called! At least that's what I hear from other girls. Anyways, to get rid of him I pretended to be Melissa and told him I wasn't home.

5. I've been pretty good these past couples of weeks about eating properly and working out and stuff....gotta get a hot body because nobody will hire a personal trainer who is fatter than them! But I caved last night and had Wendy's.....it was beautiful. Mozzarella Supreme Burger.....so friggin' good. But seriously....the caving in has GOT to stop. I mean once in awhile is alright, but I've got to get a grip on myself. I actually have to exercise some self-control.......but first I have to get some.

6. In other news, where in the world is Trish Moffatt?! It's been almost a week since I've talked to you! WHERE ARE YOU?!

7. I feel like shopping like crazy. Just going out and buying a WHOLE bunch of stuff that I don't need. I do need to go shopping for some work stuff....like black pants and shorts and probably another new pair of running shoes. But I feel like buying stuff I don't need. It's a dangerous feeling. Especially since I don't really have a paycheck for awhile. SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!

I Can't Believe It's Over

I just had the most exhausting night ever. It was emotionally exhausting and therefore physically exhausting as well. I didn't get to sleep until 8:30 this morning.

That's right. I spent the night reading the seventh Harry Potter book.

No joke.

If anyone has NOT read Harry Potter, I suggest you do so immediately so that you can read this book. Because it is the most fantastic book EVER. I started crying in the second chapter and didn't stop until the book was done. I know, I'm a loser. I don't CARE! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!

It was everything that I thought it would be and more! Everything that I wished she'd do happened and yet there was always something more.

It was heartbreakingly sad. About halfway through I realized that I would never read a Harry Potter book for the first time ever again, and I didn't want to read it anymore. I wanted to preserve that moment where there was something unknown and something new to learn about the books that I've grown to adore over the past six years.

The book was also ridiculously heartbreaking in itself. Why did she have to kill so many characters who I loved and were so amazing? The second death that happened in the book shocked me. How could she kill something so innocent? I just burst into tears and sat there crying for a good five minutes. Little did I know that this was just the first of many of those outbursts to come, because JK Rowling was relentless in her quest of killing off innocent characters.

The night was one of those ones where you cry because you're so ridiculously happy and yet your heart is breaking at the same time. I know it's just a book. But these are characters that you've seen grow over the past ten years and you somehow feel like they are a part of you. Unless you TRULY appreciate Harry Potter you will not understand what I'm saying and think I'm an idiot/loser. But I'm not. And you just can't understand.

The book is one of those ones that I cannot read in public because people will wonder why the crazy girl is crying while reading a children's story. But it's not a children's story. It's SO much more than that. The struggle between good and evil, your friends being there for you, having faith, fighting for the ones you love, giving everything for people you don't even know. There is so much that we could learn from these books and we don't even know it.

Too bad I think I'm a muggle. Ah well. At least I've got the books.

Bored = Bankrupt

Ew, is it like a pre-requisite for men around me to be FUCKING CREEPS?! This one friggin' creepo was starring at me for like an hour during the First Aid/CPR training course I just took. EW. I did NOT pay $75 to get stared at like a piece of meat. I could kick his ass. GROSS.

I'm feeling a little......I guess the word is lost lately. I'm not too sure what is wrong with me, but I hope I snap out of it soon. One minute I will be perfectly fine and happy and jumping around, the next I will be like, "get the F away from me." I don't understand it. Could be because I'm having some SERIOUS nerves about my interview on Wednesday for the personal trainer job at GoodLife, or could be because I'm just a tool. Whichever. UGH, there's also this one girl that I just want to smack everytime I see her. It's really annoying. But SHE'S SO ANNOYING AND STUPID! And I swear to GOD, if she giggles and flips her hair ONE MORE TIME I will snap. I fucking hate girls like that. And if she tans anymore she will officially be a nice shade of tangerine. EW.

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit lonely too. I enjoy being alone, but sometimes it's hard too. I think I might feel a little bit less stressed out if I actually get the job at GoodLife too, because a lot of what is worrying me is not being able to find/afford a relatively nice apartment. I refuse to lower my standards. I do NOT want to have to deal with centipedes. EW. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I spent too much money shopping today. I was bored and feeling kinda alone so I went to the mall.....and bought shoes and a shirt and another shirt. All of which I didn't need. But the shoes MAY just be the love of my life. They are Diesel running shoes and quite pretty and comfy and amazing. AND they were on sale for like $40 off. So I guess I was saving money?! I also bought a blender of all things. Odd I know. But I think I'm going to start making protein shakes. I made one this morning....but I forgot to put ice in it.....so it was a weird texture, hahahaha.

I am SERIOUSLY contemplating getting a tattoo. I used to want one SOOOOOOO bad, but then decided it wouldn't be cool. But now I want one again. I want it on the back of my neck, in white ink and to say "Love" or "Live" in a cool writing. I am currently researching cool fonts and stuff online. This is serious. hahahahaha. Don't tell my mom.

EW. I've been a cow this weekend. It is BAD. I haven't been to the gym and have been eating WHATEVER the fuck I want. McDonald's yesterday, then ice cream, then tonnes of chocolate peanut butter stuff today and MORE ice cream. I can actually feel myself becoming bloated and nasty looking. Lovely. And it isn't such a secret why I don't have a boyfriend or anyone interested. hahahaha, oh I should stop pretending that I care, because I honestly don't. I've come to the conclusion that all boys are douchebags and not worth my time.

touch my ass again and I will break your finger

This is what happens when you drink 1.5 L of wine, as shown in the first picture. I think Maria should visit every weekend, best time ever. hahaha! Guelph is packed full of douchebags too, not just Oakville. They are EVERYWHERE. I can't stand it. This one jerkoff was pinching my ass all night, I finally lost my shit and threatened loss of limb if he did it again. I wish Steve had been there because he would have pounded his face in. Sometimes it helps to have friends who do powerlifting and weigh like 230 pounds of pure muscle. If only he'd been there. hahaha
So freaking lazy last night.
I am contemplating quitting my job already. My manager quit and it is basically me and Leta in the backend trying to get to our quota of $31,000. We are at like $1400 so far. Go us.

Jeff is trying to 'woo' me over to GoodLife. I am pretty much sold. Just have to talk to Chris to see if he will help me get certified to be a trainer. Pretty sure he will. I hope he will. hahaha.

I fucking HATE the girls who live downstairs. They are fat cows and so fucking obnoxious. One of them hit my car with their huge ass work truck. PARK ON THE STREET YOU SKANK.
Oh, and your boyfriend is hideous.

I've REALLY got to get on finding another place to live. Otherwise I'm SCREWED.

I have been trying to be more 'nutritious' lately, i.e. not eat like five chocolate bars a day and bagels and all that crap. It is SO hard to eat the proper amount of portions at each meal, like 30% proteins and fats and 40% carbs. But I think it's starting to work. Apparently a lot of my love handles are gone and my tummy bulge...this is according to Maria and Melissa. I will take their word for it. I haven't really noticed any difference. I caved last night and ate a huge fucking sundae with peanut butter cups, whip cream and chocolate sauce. It was orgasmic.

Brett's little girl Aly is so adorable. She wears these teeny little baby crocs and smiles and waves everytime I see her. She was waving at me when I was doing bicep curls and makes faces on the glass of the daycare centre. It almost made me have a maternal urge. ALMOST. hahahahaha.

"What do you want to do tonight?" "Let's go dancing!" "Good idea buddy!"

1) I find it kind of hard to write blogs when I'm feeling good and happy. Weird eh? I think I see blogs as a way of venting and releasing bad feelings, so when I'm feeling good I don't like to write blogs because I want to keep all the happiness inside and not let it out. Is that selfish?! hahaha! I don't care if it is!





2) Happy Father's Day Daddy!!!!!!! You're the bestest!





3) hahahaha, oh man, on Friday I got hit on by this guy, and he was actually quite nice and relatively cute, but he was wearing plaid board shorts and a striped polo. And I couldn't quite handle it. If single guys are wondering why they are still single, it's usually because of the way they dress or dance.





4) On Saturday at Squeeze we danced the night away. It was awesome. Although, what was perplexing was the group of five or six guys who were just like standing in a circle in the middle of the dance floor talking and then they'd randomly dance, and then just start talking again. Is this normal guy behaviour? I don't get it. Shouldn't you be wanting to dance with girls and not your guy friends? Do groups of guys sitting around on Saturday say, "We should go dancing!" like girls do?





Boys confuse me.





5) They're already talking about promoting me at work. I find this hilarious and exciting at the same time. I really need the money, but I find it hilarious that they want me to start on sales for personal training and the nutrition program, and then take the personal training course, and possibly be the assistant Zone Health centre manager. ummmmmm, I do nothing at work. Seriously. I am pro at looking like I am working, when I am actually doing nothing. It's kind of awesome. I do enjoy the comfy track suits though.





6) I got offered a job at GoodLife Fitness in membership sales too. Jeff was like, "I would have hired you! Why didn't you come talk to me?!". So if I decide that I don't like my job now, or that I would prefer working at GoodLife there is apparently a job waiting for me at the Fairway one, which is pretty freaking sweet.





7) I have realized I like food way too much for my own good. Like, I really really REALLY like it. I think I may need help.





8) I got a marriage proposal this week, I am considering accepting. hahahahaha, but not really. I'm not too sure I could ever live with a boy. ick. Oh, and plus the proposal was a joke from Chris.

9) Oakville is packed full of popped collared, white button-up shirts wearing, spike-y haired douchebags. Seriously.....it's chock full of them. If that is your type, get here now. You have your pick. If I see one more white button-up shirt I will flip out. All the guys here are just clones of one another. It is SO boring and I am so OVER IT.

just a deep breath and you'll be fine.

I had a slight mini-panic attack this morning as I was lying in bed. Usually on Saturdays I will lie in bed until 9 or 10 with the window open just chilling with my bad self, but today I couldn't do it. I felt restless and agitated and I couldn't sit still. I couldn't shut my mind off and think of the stupid, mundane, pointless things that usually occupy my thoughts, it was all big stuff.....really big scary stuff. So I had to move to make that stuff go away, because I can't think about it yet, it's all too scary.

If I think about it it will all hit me at once and I won't be able to deal with it. I am still coping with the whole moving out thing. It is going well, but it is still scarier than I thought. I can't bring myself to go home yet, for fear that I won't leave again because it's comfortable and un-scary there. This room that used to feel like home to me is now not feeling like that, and I need to find a place that will do that for me, so it won't be as scary. It doesn't help that my mom wants me to come home and most of my friends aren't that supportive...only Trish really. I'm glad she told me she was proud of me because otherwise I don't think I could do it.

I was told lately that I was selfish and self-absorbed and only thought about myself, but I kind of feel like I have to be. I mean, I don't really think of myself that way, sure I like to do my own thing and I like to be alone, and I know that I am self-absorbed sometimes, but I've never really thought of myself as selfish. That is a horrible thing to say to someone, especially if it's not true. And what kills me the most is the person that told me that is the one I've done the most for in the past few years and I feel like I've been there for her and this is what she thinks of me? It would help if she was there for me when I needed her to, instead of telling me I'm self-absorbed. She doesn't realize that not everyone is as strong as her and wasn't born with her natural self-confidence.

I won't apologize for being that way. It was being that way that made me realize that maybe I was heading down the wrong path, that research and molecular biology wasn't right for me. I still love it, because I'm a huge nerd, and I love learning, but I need something more. I really like my new job, I like working with people and helping people realize their goals, it's made me happier and healthier. I will also absolutely NOT apologize for getting a personal trainer and going to the gym more, which is apparently what made me self-absorbed. I hated my body, and felt uncomfortable ALL the time, that is not how someone should live their life. Now I actually kind of like myself, and I'm starting to feel proud of the way that I look and not hiding from it as much. I'm not there yet, but I will be. And if going to the gym is making me feel this way, then like hell I'm going to stop. My trainer, Chris, has been more supportive of me in these past few months in ways that no one else has ever been. He's kind of past being a trainer, more of a friend now, which is fine with me, because I think he's a great person.

I really just wish that people could see it from other people's points of view more often. Something that may not be scary for you could be absolutely terrifying for someone else, maybe even the thing they fear the most. If you don't try and see it their way you will never understand them.

It's gotten to the point where I feel isolated and that I can't be around some people because I know how they think of me...and why would I want to be around people who think of me that way? I have other friends who think I'm great and are proud of me and support me, and I don't need to put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable and judged.

I had to take a walk to clear my head, and it worked. I love walks. I'm such a loser I know, but I love being by myself walking down the trail by the river. I will take pictures and show you, because it is beautiful in a way that the trails in Oakville could never be. Guelph is such a different place, and it has its own pace, it takes a little bit to get used to. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it, because I tend to do things at my own speed anyways and not really wait for anyone, it's a fault I know.

And when my head cleared I realized that I don't need anyone else to be proud of me (except for my parents and Trish) because I'm proud of myself.

oh, HELL no.

2 Jager bombs + 4 Swedish Berries shots + at least 7 beers = the most BRUTAL night of my life.

My apologies to Trish who had to take care of me while I was throwing up and then listen to me crying for an hour. Seriously, I don't know what the fuck is up with me throwing up when drinking lately. I think I need to learn to accept that I no longer have my alcoholic-like tolerance that I used to have in high school.......because I WAS an alcoholic back then. hahaha.

Oh man, today was balls. It was just awful. I was lying rotting on the couch for like three hours and then forced myself to take a walk outside to get some fresh air, which actually really really helped. But seriously, I am NEVER drinking that much again. I'm not even drinking again until my birthday, and even then I'm only having like.....three beers. And with my pathetic tolerance that will probably get me drunk. So sad. So very very sad.

In other news I saw Knocked Up on Friday....and it is friggin' AWESOME. Everyone should go and see it immediately....if not sooner! Seriously, it was soooo hilarious. I was actually crying at one point and my abs were burning. It was a brilliant movie. I haven't seen a movie that good in a VERY long time. Incredible.

Although I have decided I am NEVER having children. They showed the "crowning" moment of childbirth and it just looked awful. That is NOT natural. I don't care what anyone says...having snot-nosed brats scream at you for the next 30 years is not worth that. Not cool, not cool at all.

Sunscreen

I'm sure you'll all recognize this "speech" because it was made into a song a few years back and has been e-mailed around like crazy. But I love it, and my friend Jenny gave me a book of it back when I turned 19 and I found it the other day and read it. And I still love it. So you should all read it....and listen to it/think about what it says.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

WEAR SUNSCREEN.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

whereas the restof my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy

the

P O W E R

and

B E A U T Y

of

your youth.

Oh, never mind.

You will not

understand the

power and beauty

of your youth

until they've

faded.

But trust me,

in twenty years,
you'll look back
at photos
of yourself and
recall in a way
you can't grasp
now how much
possibility
lay before you

and how fabulous

you really looked.

You are

NOT

as

f a t

as

you

imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective

as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life

are apt to be things that never crossed your worried

mind, the kind that blindside you at four P.M.

on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people

who are

reckless

with yours.

FLOSS.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead......sometimes you're behind.

The race is l-o-n-g and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive.

Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters.

Throw away your old bank statements.

s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

Don't feel guilty if you

don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people

I know didn't know at twenty-two what they wanted

to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting

forty-year-olds I know

still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll

dance the funky chicken

on your seventy-fifth wedding anniversary.

ENJOY YOUR BODY. Use it every way you can.

Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

D-A-N-C-E.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions...even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents.

You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Understand that friends come and go,

but with a precious few you should hold on.

TRAVEL.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

But trust me, on the sunscreen.

Friend Making 101

BOO. I am going through one of those phases today where I'm all like mopey and depressed and annoying myself. UGH. I hate days like this when you look in the mirror and no matter what the logical side of your brain is telling you, all you can think is, "EW, that's disgusting" (refering to yourself of course). BLAH!

Of course the fact that I haven't been to the gym since Saturday could be contributing to that feeling, but I've been lazy/busy. Mostly lazy. I so could have gone yesterday, but went shopping instead, ah well. Gonna work it out tomorrow. Then hopefully this gross/ugly/depressing feeling will go away.

Also feeling super lazy and do not want to pack up all of my stuff to move back to Guelph tomorrow. I'm not too excited about that, seeing as I JUST got everything unpacked. And there is a box of shit in my room that I have to go through. I hate moving around, I like feeling settled. And also I thought I'd be more excited about moving back, but I'm not really feeling it so much right now, who knows why. Maybe it's the depressed, gross feeling seeping into other areas of my life. Also realized that I have like no friends up in Guelph right now, so it's going to be pretty boring. Ah well, guess I will have to learn how to make new friends........how do you do that?

mmmm I can smell the pretentiousness in the air

I'm losing my mind a little bit more everyday that I am in Oakville. I don't know why I am hating it so much right now, usually I love the pretentious snottiness of the place when it's in all its glory, but lately I am loathing it.

It kind of feels like I am suffocating and just can't get out....but that could just be the heat. It's funny how my parents aren't even that overbearing and "do this with your life instead of this", but I feel like they are. They were being all "let's give advice to the university grad on what she should do with her life" earlier when I first moved back, but then I told them I was moving to Guelph no matter what they said and they shut up and realized it was true. My dad keeps making suggestions for me to keep living at home and I just keep saying no. I know that I am their only daughter and they love me so they want me to stay, but I just feel like in order to move forward in life I have to move out. There is something stagnant about this place for me, it makes me really unproductive.

The wise thing to do this summer would have been to work at the bank or get a job in Oakville while living at home to save money. But I have never done the wise thing, I always just do what I want at the time and tend to plan that way. whatever. Maybe in a few months I will realize the stupidity of my mistake and learn the consequences of having no money and will move back to Oakville and beg for a job somewhere, but I doubt it. I am one of those people that doesn't mind being alone and kind of likes it. A loser? loner.....who knows. I'm not too sure I can live with someone ever again. I enjoy my space and I don't feel like I'm getting it.

I think I will go to the driving range later. I feel like I need more physical activity in the forms of a sport in my life. Plus there are no driving ranges that I know of in Guelph so I gotta get my fix before I go.