All I want is one guy to prove to me that they aren't all the same.



I guess you weren't up to the challenge to be that guy.

I don't think I can stand this.

I miss you against my will.

I hate that you left me.....left all of us really.



Get out of my head.


oh yeah....and you're kind of a bitch. I hope you're happy living life as a lapdog. Skank.

Freedom is not an easy thing to come by.

For the first time in my life I am completely and totally alone.

I've never been more petrified.

Or felt more free.

*giggle*

You are ridiculously confusing.

This photo makes me laugh because I am sooooooooo drunk. And I made Jeff giggle.

Apparently car dealerships/parts and service places are the most retardedly slow places EVER. And have the stupidest people working in them. I didn't know that an oil/lube/filter took 14 hours! Maybe I just don't know much about cars.
I feel like a fat disgusting gross obese cow.
I really think I need to work on my self-confidence.
The Spice Girls concert was the best night ever. Highlight of my YEAR...........nay, my LIFE!

really, quite pathetically sad.

I want to scream.

Or punch a wall. Or punch someone.

No...I want to punch you.

Quite badly.

You are either completely retarded and oblivious or the biggest asshole alive. I can't decide which I want you to be either.
There are only so many times a girl can be rejected or given the same story. You can only play so many games before I say enough is enough.

You have no idea what you want and yet you say that I am the one who doesn't. You say I'm confused, but you are confusing. I don't know if you mean to mess with my head or not, but you are. And I am very close to snapping.

It's my own fault really. I never should have gotten involved, and now I don't have the willpower or strength to break away. I don't respond to anyone else that way I respond to you. No one else can make me so mad that I practically have steam coming out my ears, or laugh so hard I cry, or make me feel the way you do when you smile at me, or make my skin tingle...I can feel where you touched me long after you did.

This is not good. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. I don't even know how I let this happen.

How sad is it that I just want you?

it starts in my nose...

I am in love with those tights. They are possibly the best fashion decision I've made in 2008 so far. Thanks for them in my stocking mom!

I am confused. Very confused. Things have only gotten more confusing and not less confusing. I hate that. I didn't know it was possible for things to get more confusing. And why are boys ALWAYS at the root of the confusion? WHY? Do they know that they're this confusing? Is this FUN for them...because it's not fucking funny. I'm caught inbetween. Everything is telling me one way and I want to go another. Both ways are confusing. Can't people just be straight and honest? Do I not at least deserve that?
I shouldn't really be talking about honesty anyways. White lies, confusion, deception have almost become routine. But everyone has to have a little fun once in awhile............and some secrets. We all know how bad I am at keeping secrets though. This may be taking its toll on me. Possibly more than I know, but will find out in the long run.

It's Jan 8th and I'm already sick. This does not bode well for 2008. Ringing in the New Year was a blast, but being sick from Jan 2nd on isn't a good sign. 2008 is going to be a good year. I want it to be, so it will be. 2007 was full of lots of change, travelling, moving, decisions and, for lack of a better word, scariness. It was a good year, but kind of blew at the same time. Does that even make sense? I want 2008 to be better. I want to be better. I want to be a better friend, a better employee, a better trainer, a better daughter....a better person really.

Now how do I go about doing that?

guaranteed to blow your mind.

I am slightly regret-ful. Is that even a word? I doubt it. I can't get my head on straight and it's really freaking annoying. Like I can see reason, but I can't make myself believe it. I want to live in my fantasy world where you may like me, but I know you can't/won't/don't.

I know myself well enough to know that I can't have that. I want/deserve more.

And what about you? You can never find out about my regret. I don't want to blow it. But I want to be wanted. I like that. Who doesn't like that?

You shocked me and I'm still reeling. How come you won't look me in the eye?

I can't decide. And it's driving me insane. I don't want to think/talk about it anymore. Just make my decision for me.